Four or Forty Reasons…

Posted: December 4, 2009 in Life & People
Tags: , , ,

The truth is, people, that I’ve been hating how I sit to write and all that comes out is the sad, depressing shit in my head. See how I just cursed there?

Anyway, it’s all well and good that this space allows me the luxury of navel-gazing into all the deeper stuff that I don’t keep top of mind on a daily basis, but really. It’s taxing to get to that place where all that stuff is accessible, because real life has me very busy, with 30,000 things to do, and they’re probably too boring to write about, but hey, it’s my blog and I get to bore whomever I want to! Whoo!

I’m currently under very deep stress about University, seeing as how I’ve got 2 final exams, a long-ass paper, and a tedious project to complete, all before Dec. 13th, and in-between, I’ll be traveling. The traveling, though, will be awesome, as I’ll be with a friend, the travel includes a project I have been longing to go for, its about the prostitution and culture in Lahore, it’s about exposing bad people and supporting the good. I don’t know whether I’ll return back or die there. But still, I’m stressed. I’ve had SO much reading to do these last weeks and it’s been tricky to keep up. I continue to feel really frustrated over how disjointed this whole experience feels.

On top of that, I’ve got like all these things to keep in mind and take care of: the trip next summer… I don’t know. Listing just this has exhausted me.

Meanwhile, amongst all these very important things that are crowding my brain, I’ve had to deal with some stuff (as evidenced by some of my writing here lately) related to the family, and what it all brings to mind is actually something that I think might surprise you: I really wish I could joke about all this. I wish I was in a situation where I could be funny about all this and not have to worry about it being misinterpreted. There was a time when I thought – if their feelings have changed and this relationship is not what they want, what I really want is for a close friendship to remain. I used to think that you couldn’t possibly spend so many years with someone and not come out of it with some kind of closeness and kinship. When it became really clear that that wasn’t going to happen, I began to feel what I normally feel about most things in my life: humor makes it all more bearable. Finally I went out with them on a picnic, I was little bored there as there was no one of my age, I am glad it was a long time we sat together played cricket and gossiped, I have been craving for this sort off an attention. And fortunately I wrote this blog when everyone has slept at the picnic spot… weird 🙂

Whew. That’s my mind, in 30 different places over the course of five minutes. I write as I write many times, with the hope that in vocalizing the things that stress me out, I will be free of them. And yet, within the last few minutes alone, my mom has yelled out at me from the bedroom that she wants me to bring a tissue stack for the shop located downstairs. And so I can’t help but think, stress and all, I’m one lucky man. Here I go to buy those tissue… 😉

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Comments
  1. Shafaq says:

    Is dis blog related to “unbridgable gaps”?

  2. Zia Awan says:

    So dis is fouzia saeed you are following?

  3. Jo Hart says:

    An awesome blog to close the file

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