The past few days have really been “thinking” days for me. I have spent a lot of time reflect back on my life in the past, my current situation and my future. A realization has come to me; I am very good at making excuses for myself. I suppose it is my way of rationalizing my actions or in-actions, thoughts and feelings in many cases. By rationalizing everything out in my head, it becomes easier to make up excuses to myself and make me feel a little better about myself. Is it a way of mentally and emotionally allowing me to avoid taking responsibility for my action or whatever. It seems my excuse usually means laying all of the blame on someone else. I can make myself feel better with this making of excuses. Thoughts like, “I only did that because he/she did what they did, it’s not my fault I acted like such a jerk, what did they expect.” Ahh, there I feel better, it was someone else’s fault that I act like I did. Now once I have laid the blame, I can absolve myself of any and everything. It just wasn’t my fault. They made me do it.
Sometimes reality can give you a real bite in the butt. That comes when you honestly sit and realize no one makes you do anything. Believe me, I know there are many situations or circumstance when at the time, it can so easily seem like “they” are making me act as I am. There can be circumstances where we just instantly react, seemingly with no thought given. That is a fair statement, but it still doesn’t mean you were forced to react as you did.
When it comes right down to it I must accept responsibility for the fact that I and only I am responsible for my actions. I must accept the fact we always have choices. In every given situation, event or circumstance in the past, I had choices to make (whether it seemed like it at the time or not) and at the time I made the choice that it did based on whatever logic I had going on at the time. Really, I have no one I can blame but myself.
As I am sitting here I have to wonder, why is it we always seem to find it necessary to place blame. If something in my life doesn’t go according to my plan, someone is to blame be it myself or others, but blame must be put in place. As I think, I realize how ridiculous, even hypocritical of me is that. Part of my prayer routine includes the Lord’s Prayer. In it I am very clearly praying, asking that God’s will be done in my life. Even with this when something doesn’t go exactly according to MY plan, I must find someone to blame. I know within myself I have come a long way on this and seldom assess blame anywhere, but I still have much to do.
I pray others will take a good hard look at their own lives and become more accepting of the reality of life and quite assigning pointless, counterproductive blame, and I do mean not even on ourselves.
Many I am sure will jump up and down shouting my situation is different, you don’t know my circumstances. “Someone, anyone, everyone is to blame for my life being as it is, certainly not me.” I just ask, take a really hard honest look, is that really true or are you making excuses as I so often do.
Another, thought has just popped into this empty head of mine. Everything I am writing of, I am applying to or thinking of the general happenings in life.
To be clear, I recognize there are some very obvious and legitimate exceptions. Crime, natural disasters, accidents, many things can affect each and every one of us. Merely, one example of what I would consider an exception and a very big and important exception would be say the case of a woman being raped or a child molested. I would NEVER, NEVER think or suggest the victim of such a horrific act, assume any responsibility, NONE what so ever. Here important choices come into play but only in how to deal with the aftermath.
My prayers are with all as they face a day of choices.
Miqdad Sibtain
Inside Miqdad's mind... 
Hello Miqdad,
I just happened upon your blog and am so pleased to have found it. Your eloquent thoughts reach right to the heart and mind. How I wish you had left us a blog or a journal like this. Your family is blessed. I am adding your journal to my blogroll.
Blessings,
Psychscribe
http://psychscribe.wordpress.com
Playing the blame game…
It’s hard to simply accept life isn’t it. We have to do what we can at the time, and the rest we have to learn from and let go. Looking back, replaying, regretting…it all becomes so self destructive, and self critical.
We can’t change others, only our actions/reactions to them. Thanks for an insightful post.
I am honored that you would add me to your blog roll, I have visited you site and was very impressed, I have added you to mine.
I do hope to hear from you again.
you have it so right, we can’t change others. All we can change is ourselves and how we react to others and to life in general.
the culture of blame is taking over everywhere now, its gotta be someone else`s fault. I presume lawyers etc virtually live off this culture? Its an easy thing to assign to someone else, we rationalize it all out to make sure we had nothing to do with it. Taking Responsibility for our actions is tough but right and true, we will have no fear then….
If anything goes wrong or not according to our plan. There is something wrong and someone must be blamed for what ever that is. It seems our obvious choice is always someone else. It takes any responsibility off of our shoulders.
Nice to hear from you my friend
Indeed hard to admit sometimes to accept our flaws and imperfection. it takes a really big deal of courage of facing the truth and accepting our own mistakes.
You are right about it taking courage. But it is so worth it, in the long run, when we can work up the courage required.
It is always so much more easier to blame others than ourselves. It is kind of like a coping mechanism for us that we seem to do it really naturally. “It could never be my fault”!! Makes me wonder now though how many people have made their life easier by blaming me. Its a funny little circle when you look into it, here we aren’t blaming ourselves so we have clear conscious, I wonder if someone else has had a bad day because of me!!!! someone maybe I don’t even know, but have dealt with through work etc. I there lay the blame for that persons actions that day. I could be the cow that put them in a bad mood. (Seeing as though I chase bad debts and accounts for a living, I can imagine I haven’t been everyones best friend!!). I have often wondered, sometimes wouldn’t it be wonderful if the universe could send us a list of all the wrongs to right, all the small little loans we have accumulated and never paid throughout the years, $20 from a friend here, or $20 to a friend there. It would make a very interesting little read for us I reckon. Good post today Miq…
I spent a huge chunk of my life pointing fingers at the rest of the world….only to awaken to the fact that there were more fingers pointing back at me.
Control freak that I am, I certainly was quite versed in playing the victim.
I like the personal power that comes with responsibility and choices.
And that ‘thy will, not mine, be done’…..practice, practice, practice.
GREAT post, Miqdad.
Thanks!
I can directly relate to what you say. As a banker for many years, I ended up declining many request for loans over that period. I can only imagine, I ended up being blamed many times for spoiling someones hopes of getting a mortgage or a new car, what ever. You are right it would be so nice if we could some how receive a list showing all those we have some how wronged in the past.
Thanks for that post, Miqi. It’s too easy to live life as a victim.
The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is defined not by the hand they are dealt, but by what they do with it. And you’re doing wonders with yours.
This is one of the first lessons I learned as I began recovery from a dysfunctional childhood. When I was about 19 I read a book called Happiness is a Choice. I don’t remember much about the book, but I do remember the title and that simple statement. It is very powerful. It basically comes down to the fact that we don’t always have control of the stressors in our lives but we always have control over how we react to those stressors. Phrases like “You make me so mad!” or “I am damaged because you hurt me”, in retrospect aren’t true. We get mad because we choose to react to a stressor with anger. We stay in our wounded state because we refuse to take the steps toward healing. It’s very easy to fall into the blame game, but empowerment comes from knowing that we have control over our reactions. Thank you for the reminder!
very nice to hear from you. Right on, when you say it is more important how we deal with life, that what is contained within it. I commend you on your site, what you are doing is wonderful, please keep it up.
what you have said here, the message is wonderful. I hope all will read and learn from your words. I thank you for sharing this wisdom.
great post!
I just went to a bible study on blame. Jesus said “the well do not need a doctor.” If we are blaming others for our problems, we aren’t seeing that is something in us that needs fixing.
This is a wonderful post, thank you for sharing it. It is so true if only we could see it in our day to day lives.
This one actually hit. More than my mother my servant. and youre right! We always have choices.
A great post…i totally agree with what you say.Its always a pleasure to read your posts and its really amazing to see your inspiring thoughts being presented in the from of these wonderful posts:)
A great post.. i totally agree with what you say. Its a pleasure to read your posts and its realllly amazing to see your thoughts being presented in the form of these wonderful posts 🙂
A very well written article. keep up the good work young man 🙂