I’m taking a step back from what seems to have become my main topic this last while, abuse particularly abuse of women. I just find any kind of abuse so wrong. Have you ever had something that really bothered you, really really irritated you, something that you know is just so wrong. Something that you know is there, but you can’t actually see it, but you know it is happening, you desperately want to do something about it but seemingly just can’t. Well that is the way I feel about that issue. It is wrong, it is unloving, it is cruel, and yet accepted by many. I am certainly not abandoning it, just taking a break as I seem to get very worked up inside of myself just thinking of it. Frustrating, why can’t people just see!!!!!! I think maybe I will set up a separate page or something and invite real men to comment on how they treat their ladies the jerks in the world will realize that that is just what they are jerks and what they are doing is wrong.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

That is so right on, such a wonderful thought, if we can only learn to see it and realize it in our hearts.

Think about it, what in life is the only thing that really we cannot change, other people. Let’s face it, while it may be difficult, everything else in life can be changed. I am not saying it would be easy but jobs can be changed, housing can be changed. When it comes right down to it, there really is nothing in our lives that can’t be changed, except other people. We can’t make other people change; we may try, even hope and pray for another to change. Ultimately we must accept that, no matter how hard we try, or what we do, we can’t change other people, into being the person we want them to be. For better or worse they are who they are and we must accept that, come to terms with it.

“The courage to change the things I can. Where can I make the biggest change the most important change, is within myself and for myself. I and only I am the master of my own destiny. I and only I am responsible for my life. I and only I must make the decisions and have the courage to accept responsibility for my own life. Have the courage to make changes as I see needing to be made. I think we often abdicate responsibility for our lives as they are today. Maybe, it is more like an avoidance issue. It is easier to avoid dealing with our lives as they are today, by putting off the issues until tomorrow. Life will be so much better: when I get the new job. When we get a bigger house, when the kid’s leave home…….. What did we just do with that, avoided dealing with our lives. It is easier to dream of a better life at some point in the future than it is to have the courage to deal with it now. If we don’t deal with our issues nothing will ever change in our contentment and serenity in life. It is not outside factors that determine the quality of life that is determined only from within.

“The wisdom to know the difference”. This is so big. The wisdom to know we cannot expect or even force others to change to fit our expectations. We can’t change others no matter how we try. (excluding parents raising children). To truly live a happy and contented life, the only thing we can change is ourselves. It is futile to expect another to change, not going to happen, unless they want it, and then they will change to who and what they want, not necessarily what we still want. All we can change is ourselves. That does take courage, but it can be done. The first single step takes the most courage from there it is more determination and a sense of direction as to where you want to take your life. If you don’t have a goal or a target in mind how can you know what steps to be taking to get there.

Feeling really tired right now, but have no one but myself to blame for that. Was up unusually late watching TV. Ever watched a movie and it really isn’t all that good, but you keep watching waiting for something to happen but it never does. I am then kicking myself for sitting up so late to watch something so silly. Makes you almost feel like a bit of an idiot or something. Well I seem to be able to outdo most in the idiot department. Right after the movie ended, I was surprised to see they had made a sequel. Yup, did the same thing and watched it all the way through. Thank goodness I have the luxury of nap time; I most certainly will be taking advantage of that today.

This morning I received an email from a friend directed me to a different site where she created a word picture using many of the supportive words I use so often in my posts. That is such a beautiful thing and I do thank you so much.

In her email one paragraph in particular really hit me:

“I always knew that words have great power to heal or to hurt. I may not have fully appreciated it until my exposure to verbal abuse. I’ll have to blog about this word power idea soon. Perhaps one positive result of my experience will be that I become more mindful of the impact of my words on others, and on myself for that matter.”

How many times have I heard or read that verbal (emotional) abuse can have a must longer and deeper impact on a person than even physical abuse. Physical scars and bruising heal much more quickly than emotional ones.

Emotional bruises and scarring take much longer to heal and can stay with a person for their entire life time. Not always but often this time of long term hurt is caused by words. Depending on where and who these words come from they can cut down inside to our very soul.

I would imagine most of us at one time or another have at least heard of this, the terrible power that can be contained within a few words. We know of how words can be just devastating, we realize that. We know that “mere” words can have such a devastatingly negative impact. I ask then wouldn’t it just stand to reason, if we look at the flip side of the coin, that “mere” words could have a wonderfully healthy healing power to them. If words can tear us down then obviously words can build us up in a healthy positive way.

I think if we really look at it, we will or at least I have realized how much quicker words of criticism can spring to mind as opposed to words of praise. I know this and actually do make a conscious effort to avoid using critical words and instead look for opportunities to lavish praise when warranted. Key words in that line were make an effort, sometimes in spite of my best efforts, oh well I will keep working at it.

Within each of us we hold a great healing power, with the power of our words. This can be applied to each and every relationship in our lives each and every day. By relationship naturally in mean spouse, kids, family and friends. But I am also referring to all relationships and interactions with people in our lives generally. Let’s take a waiter in a restaurant or a cashier in a supermarket. At certain times these people will very briefly enter our lives. But even if it is just for a few minutes, we enter into a very short term, very casual relationship with them. For those few minutes they do play an important part in our lives.

Let me give but 2 examples. Let’s stay with the waiter in the restaurant. We have all had occasions where we have had just exceptionally great service. He/she has gone out of their way to serve us, above and beyond what we would normally get. Generally, we do acknowledge that by leaving a little larger tip. Now I am sure that is appreciated but it is totally non personal. How much extra effort would it take us to just say a few words to the individual. Thank them for the wonderful service they gave you, voice your appreciation. How can we know what is going on in the life of another. Possibly that waiter/waitress is going through a really tough time in life and had to dig down deep within themselves to be able to give you the high quality service. Just a few words of recognition and appreciation may well be just what they need to hear to help get them through the day. There is really no way we can ever know. Really, what did it cost us to spend that extra 15 or 20 seconds to verbalize our appreciation of the service.

One more example from within our own families. I think or at least I hope we all know how wrong it would be to tell our children they are stupid or bad or any such thing. The long term affects of such comments can be devastating. We can be oh, so quick to recognize and verbalize our dissatisfaction on how our children are misbehaving. Are we as quick to jump in with a positive loving comment when they do behave? Now here I am not talking about things like when your child comes home with an A on a report card. Or course we are proud and congratulate them on a job well done. But, I am talking here more of the regular day to day activities, in just our daily routine. I don’t know but I would guess that if the average parent had some way of actually keeping track of every comment made to their child in any given day would likely see the comments containing some sort of negative connotation far outnumber’s the positive. It seems to me anyway that particularly with our spouse, kids and other family. We take good for granted, that is what is expected and we never comment on it. Act in anyway other than what we consider to be good and the comments spew forth very quickly.

Why is it we seem to make a conscious effort at times to avoid making negative comments, biting our tongues or whatever? Why don’t we put at least that same amount of effort into looking for positive and healing messages.

Each and every one of us has a great power within us. The power to help heal others through our words. We all have the words within, let’s get them out and start a whole lot of healing.

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Comments
  1. Ammar Haque says:

    I understand your need to take a step back Miq. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

  2. Helen says:

    I do want you to know that you have made a difference. Your kind words and understanding have really touched me. I so appreciate the kindness you have shown me – a woman you have never met who lives a thousand miles away.

  3. Sara siraj says:

    You said, “Way to go, and good for you, keep that thought process going, it will get you to where you want to be.” and “I am proud of you for taking the small steps to improve your life.” You might be surprised to learn that I cried when I read that. It means so much to me. I feel like I have screwed up my life so royally that sometimes it is hard to give myself credit for what I do.

  4. Salman Ateeq says:

    So thank you, from this starfish.

  5. Jameel Isphani says:

    I thank you so very much for this kind and gratifying post. Everyday as I am turning on the computer I say a little prayer asking for guidance in anything I say, so that it may help or encourage even one person out there. You are my answered prayer.

  6. Moiz Damani says:

    Thank you so much for sharing the star fish story. I have never heard it before and it is wonderful. I am touched and honored by the way you have sent it to me, I thank you so much. I will be using it in a post soon.

  7. Hassan Aftab says:

    You keep it up, and you will get to the place you want to be in your life, the place you do deserve, a wonderful and happy, love filled place.
    I know you can do it and will do it.

  8. Saba Kamran says:

    I just wanted to let you know I have been reading your blog for about a week now, I found it on a “Featured Blogs” link, and I really value your positive messages. I am 20 years old and find myself worrying about what life will hand me, which I know is completely unnatural, and am trying to change my outlook. I totally agree with the way that everyone can take control of his or her own life, and hope to live by this in my future. It is a really great thing that you are doing just to allow others to know what you are feeling.

  9. Sara Parker says:

    Try to look forward to it with eager excitement, yeah, I know easy to say and hard to do. But you can have a wonderful future in front of you, a wonderful life. It can be scary suddenly out there on your own and suddenly making you own life choices, have confidence in yourself and what you decide and you will do fine. Decide on the life you want and then don’t settle for anything less, particularly in the relationship department. I am always here if you need to chat or vent, anything.

  10. Jessica Krupali says:

    I have the longform posted on the fridge–mostly because I draw from it daily:

    God grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change;
    Courage to change the things I can;
    And wisdom to know the difference.
    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    As it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    If I surrender to His Will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life
    And supremely happy with Him
    Forever and ever in the next.

    And I REALLY like the starfish story,

  11. Catherine says:

    I know its natural to worry about what lies ahead, but what I mean is I’m not going to worry about it to the point where I am too scared to do things for myself like you said in your post. I am definitely changing the way I think so thank you for your words and they will help me along, as well as little stories like the starfish!

  12. Safina abrar says:

    I thank you for sharing this. I knew there was a complete or longer version of the prayer, I had just never seen it before. It is being printed and going on the fridge.
    Hugs to you my friend.

  13. Chandra Sen says:

    Sorry to leave another comment, but I just tried to find your blog the same way I had when I first came across it but I can’t anymore. Perhaps they change the featured blogs, but anyway you can be proud to know that your blog is being listed amongst them.

  14. Sundus says:

    Amazzzing!!!:-)

  15. Zofishan says:

    thank you for the warm welcome! You have impacted my life positively more than you could ever know.

  16. Santosh Kumar says:

    English Writing Skills 🙂

  17. Nida Shafi says:

    I thank you so much for your so very kind words. If I am able to make even the smallest positive impact on the life of another, it makes this all worth while. I hope to hear more from you.

  18. Mona says:

    I just wanted to say that I somehow found your blog and have been reading it faithfully ever since. You are a true inspiration to me and have touched my life permanently. Please know how much your thoughts are appreciated and how much I (as I am sure others) get out of every single entry. Thank you for sharing and inspiring ~

  19. Shakeel Khan says:

    BlockBuster !!!!

  20. Zara says:

    I found the link on yello.pk and i was just fidgeting with the link when i found it had treasures 🙂
    take care

  21. Sami says:

    The post is just too good. i dont know what to say. awesome 🙂

  22. anika says:

    Awesome post…your posts are always encouraging an inspiring. i agree with what you say.Your posts inspire me and help me to live my life in a better way..

  23. Asim Jaleel says:

    Just want to show my respect and my best wishes to u, sir

  24. Sameen Shah says:

    waiting for another post. where where where is it?

  25. Sara siraj says:

    4days i am waiting for an update!!!

  26. Jo Hart says:

    long fan following. amazing content 🙂

  27. Anum Faheem says:

    I don’t know but it gives me a feeling that you try and defend yourself when u talk about women.Somehow it gives me an impression when u talk about women, you actually what people to believe you !I know that sounds rude but that is what I think when u brag about women.Secondly yes words do have an impact.But you see when i read your blog i wondered that our politicians are verbally abused and humiliated every other minute, yet it doesn’t make a single difference in their life.So, there words have no meaning and that kind of irritates me alot.How can one be so stubborn?

  28. Jhanki says:

    this one is impressive !!!-)

  29. […] So Frustrating… June 2010 28 comments and 3 Likes on WordPress.com 4 […]

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