Posts Tagged ‘champion’

I am trying my best to be I suppose you could call it a student of life. In my own way I am trying to learn and understand more about life in general and of people all people. To get a better understanding of actions and reactions to situations in life. What I am learning is of how little I really know or understand. Sounds strange maybe but I realize the more I think I learn the less I realize I understand???? A few examples of the things that having me going, HUH???

Now, I think it is a fair statement to make, that, the vast majority of people do not want to die. Now that sounds pretty straight forward and simple. I can easily understand that, I can relate to that. Now here is the part I just do not understand. We do not want to die so obviously we want to go on living, our lives are precious to us. Again, I can certainly relate. Now here is the part I don’t understand. We all recognize and appreciate how precious our lives are, how precious our time on this planet is. But, do we really? We each know our individual time here is limited, we see how precious it is, but what are we doing with it? Why do we take time for granted always assuming there will be many tomorrows in which we can enjoy life. I think we live with so many thoughts of the future we forget to live today. Not sure where I heard this: “Life is not about learning how to weather a storm; it is about learning how to dance in the rain.” Thank about that as you go about your day.

As a society it seems to me anyway, that we are only comfortable dealing with or even thinking about death and dying when it is maybe in the abstract almost. By that I mean when it is happening to people far far away. People that we are not related to or associated with in anyway and somehow talking about them dying is an “OK” subject. Or, at least it doesn’t seem to make us feel as uncomfortable. Suddenly though if the topic hits closer to home it becomes more uncomfortable, we don’t want to talk about it or even think about it. Is it the fear of loss that affects us so deeply. A loved one passes and we have a really sense of loss. It is not only a sense of loss but a real loss in our lives. Without that person there our lives are changed forever, no denying that. Our lives are changed yes but can be and will be just as good with time. i have to wonder, we are grieving a loss, is that our main fear in this whole thing. We are grieving our own personal loss what is missing out of our lives. I don’t know are we really grieving more for ourselves than the other person. I don’t know that was just a thought that popped into my head.

What about if we are facing our own passing? Well actually that statement applies to every single person on this planet, it is just the timing. Struggling with wording, does that make sense? Can we become so obsessed with not wanting to lose our lives that we forget to live them while we still can?

Wow, I really got off track here as I rambled on. I’ve got to share a new perspective. It is when you lose people in terms of relationships. When people get into relationships or what you call friends with benefits, this is time when their priorities change; they value their partner more and dike you whenever they want to. This is so unfair. For the past six months this happens frequently with me. What to do? I can’t get any solutions to this issue. Then I thought how about we be the same with them and talk to them the way we used to. They may realize some day that they were wrong and come back to you, but this technique of mine seems to be a heart eiderdown, it’s not working too. Good luck to all those people who fall in this category.

As this was the last post of this file, I’ll take a week off before I start a new file.

Good Day 🙂

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First, I was dying to finish kindergarten and start school. Then I was dying to finish school and start college. Then I was dying to earn and make my own small living. Then I was dying to start university and plan my future and with all this I realize I forgot to live.

Please don’t let this happen to you. Enjoy your current situation and enjoy each day.

To make money we lose our health, and then to restore our health we lose our money. We live as if we are never going to die, and die as if we had never lived.

I received that message in an email, author unknown or I would give due credit. This message really does strike a chord in my mind and heart. Live life to its fullest for as long as we can, it is so worth it. Never give up on the full potential of life; it is amazing what you can do, regardless of anything.

Now have I ever considered myself to be a bit of an idiot? Embarrassing as it may be, the answer is yes and this fact was really brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago. I had the pleasure of watching the Paralympics on TV. Now I have known about these games for some time but have always just sort of blown them off. I mean people with disabilities can’t be real athletes can they? I mean I will save my viewing time for the real athletes at the real Olympics. Here is where the idiot part of me shows through so loud and clear. I WAS SO SO VERY WRONG!!!!

They are indeed wonderfully talented and skilled athletes. Beyond that they exemplify the strength of the human spirit to a level beyond anything I can imagine myself ever attaining. I am totally in awe of each and every one of them.

What are just a couple of examples. Suppose at birth you are born with only one leg, or possibly lose a leg through an accident or whatever. Well I guess as sad as that is, you will just have to accept the fact that you will never be able to do something. Oh, things like say, skiing or maybe playing hockey. WRONG!!!!

Let’s suppose, oh say you are blind. A disability such as this very obviously prevent you from ever being able to take up skiing. WRONG!!!!

I think I saw parts of the Alpine skiing (down hill), biathlon, cross country skiing, wheel chair curling and sledge hockey on tv.

Let’s talk about the alpine skiing for a minute. I think it was the last event I watched on television. Now I am not a skier and it looks hard to me. Maintaining your balance while flying down a hill at neck break speeds. Surely you need 2 legs to balance on the skies, plus 2 hands to hang on to the poles for extra balance, WRONG!!!

I admit when I first started watching the skiing, I was in a state of wonderment and awe. I would watch and see a one legged skier come blasting down the slope, then a one armed skier. Then they said they were switching over to the blind skiing, I mean come on, blind skiers are going to go down that slope, it can’t be!!!!! WRONG!!!!!!!

Now, I am not actually sure when it happened or even how it happened. At some point I realized I no longer saw a person with a disability, I just saw an athlete competing in his/her sport. Athletes they are and top rate ones at that. I salute and applaud each and every one of them. They are not athletes with disabilities they are athletes and inspirational ones at that.

There is a saying that goes something like. We may not like the cards that life deals us, but what is important is how we play them. Think about it. There are so many times in everyone’s life when something happens. We don’t like it and let it beat us down; it disables us from living life. I have seen the proof; any disability only holds us back as much as we allow it to.

A special thank you to all my friends for their kind words of support over the past days. Know I am fine. I have a bit of a wonky head going on but am thinking of taking up squash.

There is something strange happening in this house. There is a young guy living in my mirror, every time I look in the mirror I see him there. Now how did that happen? Every time I look in the mirror, there he is geesh. This guy in the mirror obviously looks clumsier every time I see him. Every time he leaves with the intention of not returning but his comical face with a clumsy nose is back!!!

It is strange in that I do face that mirror at least 10 or 12 times a day between shaving, brushing teeth, washing……. but i guess I never really look at the reflection. I suppose I am concentrating more on the task at hand. This morning I was brushing my teeth and I am not sure what prompted me to do it but I really looked at that guy staring back at me. I am sure glad I have been getting all those emails about how it is good to grow and look old. lol. Actually, none of this bothers me in the slightest.

This all brought to mind something my dear mother used to tell me, way way back when.

Everyday at some time you are going to have to face yourself in the mirror. When you do look beyond the physical person you see looking back at you. Look at yourself as a person who you are. Get past the physical appearance and ask yourself, am I happy, content even a little proud to be the person I see staring back at me in the mirror. As you stare at your reflection ask yourself, am I the person I want to be, living the life I want to live. If in fact the answer to any of those questions is no, then ask yourself, OK, what am I going to do about it? She was a great believer in every or any single moment in time was the perfect time for a new beginning or to start a change. Putting it off was just wasting time.

Dwelling in or fretting about the past will ruins your today and possibly spoil your tomorrow. A new beginning is exactly that, beginning a new, the past is gone let it go, concentrate on today. Now by her definition though the past was gone and should be left alone. EXCEPT for yesterday, that one day only.

As you look into that mirror think of yesterday. Am I satisfied with my behaviour etc. on that day? If not what am I going to do to make amends, or learn from it. What am I going to do to ensure, what ever it may have been doesn’t happen again.

Some how that message has struck with me over the years. I can look back to my champion and the days that were maybe a little bit wilder days. There were days when I dreaded the thought of facing myself in that mirror. Maybe there weren’t enough of these times, but I do remember a few times when the thought of facing that damn mirror in the morning actually did cause me to stop and think before leaping into action.

I think often about the look in your eyes the first time we met. You had the same look the second time we met and the meetings continued, that day a few weeks after the first one, when you knew you wanted to be with me and didn’t want to lose any more time. You get that look still, your eyes suddenly serious and intense as your hands were open to hug me.

The thing about that look is that it floors me. I, who am not easily silenced, find myself utterly silenced, breath and words leaving me. I look into your eyes and I have no words. I am transfixed.

We are comical now, the way we continue to rehash that day, and the weeks leading to the day at dinner lunches and picnics when everything definitively changed. The surprise, the shock that it is you – you who’s by my side, you who fits so wonderfully with me. I want to always wake up like I do now, and see you next to me and feel all over again the joy of such a wonderful surprise. But we are friends and I am afraid this relation may end.

And had someone told me a year ago that it would be you who would change my life, I would have thought them crazy. To think that this day last year I saw you for the first time in (what? six, finally?) years, and we – each brokenhearted, each awash in confusion and sadness and doubt – had no idea, we never imagined, it would come to this. And this, this is awesome and wonderful.

You are solid. You are loving and generous and thoughtful. Your affection, sense of humor and intelligence and your we-are-a-team-no-matter-what approach to our life together make being with you a dream come true. Your level of organization and “where are the facts?” mentality freak me out. Your trust in me, your support and all the effort you put into this relationship make me feel like the luckiest man in the world. You have exceeded any expectation I ever had of what a great man would be like. You are everything I’ve ever wanted.

And when you look at me with that look in your eyes, I know I’m right where I belong. But people say you should never expect them to behave the way you want. Why? They ditch you. Don’t go after people tailor yourself in such a way that people starve for your company. I’m Broken, Shattered and Hopeless today and I’m pretty much sure we end here. Thank you for everything, Thank you for being there. Miqdadman is used to surprises. Wild surprises.

So, 2012 impending, only 24 months left. Though the movie was awful but I can’t just take no notice of the idea that world is ending in a couple of month. If I die tomorrow, did I do anything that would have eulogized me or made be of any worth. I did a plenty of things but I never heard people applauding or appreciating, maybe they were jealous or maybe it was not worth appreciation. I was never good at studies but dad said once I possess a mind of a genius, the way I talk, the way I handle people and other things.
From day 1 I was good at sports. The result day would bring discomfiture on my mom’s face and the sports day when she sat in the stands with pride, confident that her son would bring the cup home. I never stood first in academics. “First” an allusion, in fact I never stood under ten, and honestly I am a shameless guy. I let people stand first and let them pass with good grades may be because they really need it, may be family pressure. So I have a big heart too. And their result has nothing to do with the percentages but the rank they have got. Be it a child ranked first at 60%. Parents are happy with the rank.
Now this did present me with a bit of a moral dilemma but I always had made sure this is not visible on my face, so I always kept a small idiot smile on my face to cover up everything. People call it humor. I always tried to do something in sports. Earned several medals and silver trophies in flat races and other funny races the school used to organize. Soon I planned to get my hands on the squash racquet and try something different. I never knew I could be so good at it and soon entered the national tournament. Though I lost the final but still this is an achievement.
I’ve never regretted the seriousness that was required in academics and scoring good grades was more important than being good in sports. Honestly, I don’t care. If it would have been prayers or anything religious I would worry a bit, but I guess passing the exams is enough and good grades are not necessary but luxury.
I had a friend in my O’levels, his grades were astonishing, 9 A’s in O’levels and 3 A’s in A’levels. He could have been at a better place. I am in a better university then him. Was this a competition or I was too lucky to get in the 2nd best university. So if God has helped him so far with those good grades, what happened now? Did he stop praying? Is God testing him? So this proves good grades don’t always help you.
I’ve never challenged nature nor will I in the future. People usually starve for appreciation. Why? I used to celebrate my achievements alone and I do the same now. When you tell your friends you got in a good university, or you achieved a highly profitable business contract, that is not worth appreciation but mere showoff.
I remember a couple of year’s back I got a 97% in my school economics exam. Came back home, I was sure parents would react in a positive manner; at least they would appreciate the effort. But they were straight-faced. I had to sit alone in my room and celebrate it on a pack of cigarettes. So I am used to it. And why to depend on people or expect them to react in the same way you want, make your own boundaries and live within it. you’ll surely enjoy the new experience.