Posts Tagged ‘heart’

I thought I would give this abuse stuff a bit of a break. But there is a story I came upon on another blog. I read it and was so touched by it. I should have put the site on my blog roll or bookmarked it or something so I could go back and read it again. It just sort of keeps coming back to me again and again. It gave me a bit more of an insight into why possibly some suffers of abuse don’t seek help or at least take it when offered. I don’t know just my thoughts.

A part of it was about misdirected negative feelings. It spoke of long term abuse suffers being so beaten down, so defeated, they had no energy left to fight or really try any more. It goes back to the trained helplessness and hopelessness. I wish I had copied it to post it here, it states so much better the conditions of these situations than I can.

It spoke of women but I know it would equally apply to men. People who after 30 or 40 years of abuse are just left feeling empty and defeated. No energy to face anymore challenges, barely enough energy to just get through the day. They are so beaten down they are vulnerable to any and all that should wish to use or take advantage of them. They may have escaped from the abusive partner only to have that role taken over by other family members. Here I am talking brothers, sisters and even children to parents. There is no end of people willing to take advantage is given the opportunity, friend, neighbors, coworkers that list would be endless. Wittingly or unwittingly many seem to sense when someone is vulnerable and can be taken advantage of. I am sure this taking advantage of, using, controlling or abusing starts off with something small. But, it almost seems like human nature, if you get away with something small the tendency is continue pushing the envelope just to see how far you can take it. I am sure so often it is even at a subconscious level. The situation gradually evolves, expands and grows until it reaches the point total control is established over the other. I am sure even at that point many do not even realize what they are doing. Things have evolved and changed so slowly that it is not even realized that we have taken control of or are dominating the life of another. We don’t even realize or appreciate what is being done. It reaches the point where it becomes an expectation. “She will do what I want or I will be very mad and will make her life so miserable she will eventually cave in and I will get my way, as it should have been.”

Our abuse victim is pushed even further down. I have read our own children can be the worst at doing this. Our abuse victim just gives up. Her self esteem and self confidence so beat and taken away, she has no confidence in her own decisions. It is just easier to let anyone, even my kids decide what I should be doing, their decisions are likely better than mine anyway, and I just don’t have the energy to fight them, so be it.

I was surprised to read of a quite a number of women actually seeing and recognizing a loving, healthy hand being extended to help them. Of them feeling it was the right thing, the healthy thing to do but of them refusing the offered hand. Possibly maybe because of lack of trust in her own ability to make the right decision but mostly because of the objections of her own family. I am not sure if their objections were based on their own fear of change, I certainly hope not to just exert their control, this I just can’t believe.

I read of women giving up on what they knew would be a real chance of happiness in a healthy relationship because it was too much bother. Their families were comfortable the way things were and didn’t want change and fought it. In each case she just gave in not having the energy to fight for anything, not even her own health, happiness and well being.

I read of the stories of 3 women that had managed to find a new love. A love with a good loving and respectful man. In each case family pressure was so great; it became so stressful each ended the relationship. One guy ran for the hills never to be seen again. The other 2 had too much love to just give up that easily, they persisted in trying to wooing the lady they loved. Neither realized what they were really up against. Each attempted contact caused such uproar in the home, more and more stress for the lady. So much stress she began to dread the thought of him calling, knowing the stress and tension in the home that it would cause. In each woman apparently the feelings of love remained intact, but she began to resent the man for calling or trying to contact her because of the family stress it would cause her.

This is what I call the misdirected negative feelings. Here we had 3 women that had loving hands extended to them. Three women that had a chance at a healthy happy life but gave it up. Not only that but their negative feelings were directed at the loving man, the health support and not at those holding her back, controlling her life. I don’t get it!!!!!!!!

I have often encouraged people to shed negative draining relationships from your life and surround yourself with healthy, supportive and nurturing relationships. I just ask before you shed a relationship, please be sure you are sure where the negativity is coming from and be sure you shed the correct relationship. In the case if the relationship that needs to be sheded is with family, remember that doesn’t necessarily have to mean ending or cutting the ties, just the relationship as it is. End it as it is and reform it into a new and healthy one.

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I am trying my best to be I suppose you could call it a student of life. In my own way I am trying to learn and understand more about life in general and of people all people. To get a better understanding of actions and reactions to situations in life. What I am learning is of how little I really know or understand. Sounds strange maybe but I realize the more I think I learn the less I realize I understand???? A few examples of the things that having me going, HUH???

Now, I think it is a fair statement to make, that, the vast majority of people do not want to die. Now that sounds pretty straight forward and simple. I can easily understand that, I can relate to that. Now here is the part I just do not understand. We do not want to die so obviously we want to go on living, our lives are precious to us. Again, I can certainly relate. Now here is the part I don’t understand. We all recognize and appreciate how precious our lives are, how precious our time on this planet is. But, do we really? We each know our individual time here is limited, we see how precious it is, but what are we doing with it? Why do we take time for granted always assuming there will be many tomorrows in which we can enjoy life. I think we live with so many thoughts of the future we forget to live today. Not sure where I heard this: “Life is not about learning how to weather a storm; it is about learning how to dance in the rain.” Thank about that as you go about your day.

As a society it seems to me anyway, that we are only comfortable dealing with or even thinking about death and dying when it is maybe in the abstract almost. By that I mean when it is happening to people far far away. People that we are not related to or associated with in anyway and somehow talking about them dying is an “OK” subject. Or, at least it doesn’t seem to make us feel as uncomfortable. Suddenly though if the topic hits closer to home it becomes more uncomfortable, we don’t want to talk about it or even think about it. Is it the fear of loss that affects us so deeply. A loved one passes and we have a really sense of loss. It is not only a sense of loss but a real loss in our lives. Without that person there our lives are changed forever, no denying that. Our lives are changed yes but can be and will be just as good with time. i have to wonder, we are grieving a loss, is that our main fear in this whole thing. We are grieving our own personal loss what is missing out of our lives. I don’t know are we really grieving more for ourselves than the other person. I don’t know that was just a thought that popped into my head.

What about if we are facing our own passing? Well actually that statement applies to every single person on this planet, it is just the timing. Struggling with wording, does that make sense? Can we become so obsessed with not wanting to lose our lives that we forget to live them while we still can?

Wow, I really got off track here as I rambled on. I’ve got to share a new perspective. It is when you lose people in terms of relationships. When people get into relationships or what you call friends with benefits, this is time when their priorities change; they value their partner more and dike you whenever they want to. This is so unfair. For the past six months this happens frequently with me. What to do? I can’t get any solutions to this issue. Then I thought how about we be the same with them and talk to them the way we used to. They may realize some day that they were wrong and come back to you, but this technique of mine seems to be a heart eiderdown, it’s not working too. Good luck to all those people who fall in this category.

As this was the last post of this file, I’ll take a week off before I start a new file.

Good Day 🙂

Something has happened and I am not even sure when. Now when I think of it, it is actually kind of sad in one way but wonderful in another.

GOD prevent me from everything bad, help me find good people and stay with me always

Over the years I have said this prayer thousands of times. I take prayer seriously as I imagine do all. A while back a bit of a startling revelation hit me. I had said this prayer so very many times, it had become habit for me to mumble the words without any thought to it. It had become just part of the routine I go through on a daily basis. Mumbling the words because that is what I am supposed to do. These are verbal prayers but the prayers made compulsory by religion are necessary too.

Now, it also came to me a while back that the Good Lord, in His wisdom is granting me extra time on this earth. Why I do not know, but will gratefully accept and treasure each and every moment.

Once I got over the initial shock of what people have been doing with me. I decided to use this time to do my best to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually for what I know lies ahead. As I did this and searched within myself, I realized it was and is important for me to leave this world with what I call a clear heart. For me that partially means a heart free of any anger, bitterness, any misgiving towards others. There is also the flip aside to that coin but I will get into that another time (seeking forgiveness). I wanted, I needed to let go of negative feelings I held in my mind and heart. As I took a deep personal inventory of my life, I realized I harbored many resentments, ill will and some general feelings of misgivings towards some others. I badly wanted to let these feelings go. I worked at it and was able to make some progress. I guess I got to the point where I was able to think, “OK, I forgive you but it was still a pretty “nasty” thing you did and I still think you are a jerk.” Now I suppose that was progress, but not really or at least it wasn’t the heart clearing kind.

The separate the deed from the doer idea is one I have had for a long time, but really never understood it enough to put it into practice. I mean if someone does you a “nasty” it is their responsibility surely. Some how, I began though to put that together with my “Bill Statics” 90% of people are just regular good people, 5% are Earth Angels and 5% are jerks. Most importantly for me, I realized there are no real clear and permanent divisions between these groups. We are all constantly drifting back and forth between these groups. Yes, I am sure or at least I hope trying our best to avoid the jerk category. But, we are human and depending on the event, circumstance or whatever will find ourselves in the jerk category. It seems the real trick is to not allow ourselves to stay there. Yes, I have and do spend my share maybe even more than my share of time in the “jerk” category.

I am struggling to find the words for this. I have always believed in the overall goodness and kindness within all people but know we each have our moments out of the sun shall we say. We each have our own battles within our own lives. We each react to a situation or circumstance in our own way depending on where we are in our day or even in our lives. We are doing our best to deal with the struggles we face. In the past I know there have been situations or events where others acted or reacted in a way different from what I wanted or maybe expected. It is that action or reaction that hurt or offended me. Possibly he/she was having their moment in the jerk zone, or possibly it was me being there.

Forgiveness is not for others, it is for ourselves. To clear our hearts to enable us to live our lives to the fullest. To forgive another does not mean you have to invite the person back into your life or even have anything to do with them going forward. Forgiveness is letting go of destructive negativity, clear our hearts, living the good life.

My revelation last night. Somewhere along the line, I have reinserted the as I forgive line. Obviously back to the saying it without appropriate thought, have to really work on that.

I am such a lucky man and so very happy to be a part of this world. It is just so full of kind,loving and inspirational people. We just have to find a way to really open our eyes to see them, recognize what they are doing and appreciate and be inspired by them. How do we open our eyes to see the reality of what is truly around us? This world of ours is just overflowing with kind, loving generous people. OK, this is something I have “sort” of known all of my life but it is only in the past few years that this has really become so very clear to me. People are always good, it is just their priorities change with time.

Oh, for sure there are some “jerks” in this world, some people that are just not so nice. If we take into account the entire population of this world, the number of “jerks” would make up a very small percentage. Why don’t we see this, realize it and appreciate it? Does one rotten apple have to spoil the entire barrel? Do we really have to see the world that way?

About 90% of people are regular hard working, kind, and nice people just doing their best to get through their day while raising their families. About 5% are what I call Earth Angels, those that step up and go the extra mile to help another. That leaves the remaining 5%, the jerks, enough said about that group. The tricky part is we all float back and forth between those “groups” depending on the circumstances and situation. Yes, I can be a jerk at times, but so can you, so there. I usually meet this fourth class, this class has people who have serious issues with their priorities and thus you feel left out. A good friend of mine recently got into a relationship or friends with benefits would be a more appropriate term, and the result is ignorance. We don’t go out now or if we do I’m the one who is left out and treated unfairly. Never mind.

Based on these very scientifically obtained statistics we are surrounded by kind, loving and generous people, yet we don’t see it or realize it and appreciate it. I suppose possibly the news media is at least partially to blame for this. Most of what we hear or read day after day is the bad stuff, the negative actions of the small minority of the population. When that is all we hear or read, maybe it is no wonder our outlook on the world has become at least somewhat jaded. What do we need to do to open our eyes to see the true world around us? These stats are just made up, my blog my stats:-/

We all have such busy hectic lives that it is so easy to just with draw into our own little world seemingly content with that. Could there be more to life if we open our eyes and hearts to the wonders around us? Not look at everything and everyone with negative suspicion. What do you think?

Attaching and de attaching is what I have been doing for the past 15 years. I just lose people. Is it really my fault? I would never get attached to people if I would have known when they’ll go away

When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present…we experience heaven on earth.