Posts Tagged ‘humiliation’

Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today. ~ James Dean

A little while ago I sort of stumbled on this whole issue of abuse. I admit to having a hard time letting go of it, as it is all just so wrong and just makes no sense what so ever to me.

I never have and never will be a physical abuser and have never intentionally been an emotional abuser. I say “intentionally” as let’s face it at times we all misspeak or are misunderstood and can unintentionally hurt another.

I often get quite a number of emails from fellow bloggers and other friends. At times it is requested I do a post stating what my thoughts are on certain things. This is one of those cases; I have received a number of messages asking me to state my thoughts on how women should be treated by men. When I got the first message I sort of just laughed it off, thinking that is a no brain-er every man knows how to treat a woman. Then 3 more messages came in asking for the same thing. That made me stop and think, this along with the abuse issues I have been writing about make it clear maybe all males don’t know how they should be treating a woman. In fact I do believe all males know how a woman should be treated. The sad fact of the matter is many males are so immature and insecure within themselves that they CHOOSE not to do this. To make themselves feel better, more secure, I don’t know something. I do know this is unloving, unkind, just plain cruel and self centered. It is ridiculous. I belong to a third world country, stats here and in the west are quite different but still I’ll try to stick to the topic.

First off though I have to come to the defense of men. Now I know I have said this before but I must say it again. I hear so much about “MEN” abusing women, it almost at times make me ashamed to admit to being a man. I can say from my heart no “MAN” has ever hit a woman, controlled her or abused her in anyway. A real man just would not do that. There is a lot of understandable confusion as there are a lot of punks out there that see themselves as men, in general the world sees them as men, just because of age and size. This is where the confusion comes in. It takes more than age or size to become a MAN. It is time for all of us to realize the difference, a punk irregardless of age or size is not a Man. Abuse a woman in anyway and you have just proved to her, to yourself and all around, you are not a man but a PUNK. No explanations, reasons or excuses can ever change this, you are a punk. Maybe it is time to realize that, realize that real men look down on you, realize it is time to grow up to become an MAN.

OK, so how should any man treat any woman. A woman, any woman should always be treated with dignity and respect, treated as a Lady. There are just no exceptions to this rule, none, circumstances, situation nothing matters.

Now right away I can picture many shaking their heads, both men and women, saying there are some women out there that just don’t deserve to be treated as ladies. OK, I admit it, I have said there are a number of immature selfish males out there passing themselves off as men but are just punks. Statistically speaking I am therefore also sure there are a number of women doing the same. Irregardless, should this be true or not, as a man this does not give me the right to in essence pass judgment and treat them with anything but dignity and respect.

As a man I must have my own internal set of standards or conduct. To really be a man and to be true to myself, I cannot ever allow myself to sink below that set of standards. I am not responsible for the actions or deeds of others, but I am very much responsible for my own. I many not in fact approve, personally, of the deeds of another, and in fact not even want to have really anything to do with that person. That is fine, but, it does not mean that I can treat the individual with less than the dignity and respect any human being deserves.

Husband/wife relationship. Obviously the same dignity and respect would apply here, even to a much higher level. If a man loves his Lady he will show his love and do everything he can to make his Lady feel the love, feel safe and secure, feel protected, feel valued and cherished, feel respected as a person in her own right. He will strive to make her feel valued as the person she is, independent and free.

Some will question, how could anyone in a committed relationship be allowed to feel independent and free. Free to make her own choices. Some will ask if you are in a committed relationship, how can you be allowed to feel independent and free. Doesn’t the commitment remove the independence and freedom? It shouldn’t remove your right to choose your actions. It is in fact your choice of actions that will determine the depth of your commitment to the relationship. I don’t believe in pre marriage relations so I’ll shut this topic for now.

A real man if he truly loves his Lady will do everything he can to make her happy. He will help to nurture and support her, encouraging her to become the very best she can be. Nature dictates that in most cases the male will have superior size and strength. This should only and always be used to protect your Lady from harm, make her safe, make her feel safe.

A woman’s place is at a man’s side, equal in all ways, irregardless of anything. This is something I believe and have written many times. I recently read something about Pak Tribal Culture. This indicated that some believe at times a woman should indeed walk about 10 steps behind the man and under the circumstances described I agree.  How could this be justified, may be asked? At the time this practice was in place, they lived in the wilderness. The man walked ahead simply to ensure the trail was safe, free of snakes or anything that might endanger his lady. Your Lady should be loved, cherished and protected at all times.

When I think of a healthy relationship I think of 2 ships floating on the sea of life. I see 2 ships that are fully functional on their own, fully capable of navigating through life on their own. I see these 2 ships choosing to sail the sea of life together side by side. Love is the only reason these ships choose to sail side by side. As a man, I would not want to be sailing through life with another ship at my side that didn’t really want to be there, how unsatisfying in unfulfilled would that be, really.

But on the contrary what about men who face physical abuse? These stats are off record and never fiddled with.

May add more later. A completely new topic to deal with.

Good Morning

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It is not until times like this when I really sit down and think about it that I do realize physical activity is becoming more and more restricted or limited. My stamina is deteriorating every. Doc’s say smokes is the cause.

I shouldn’t complain, I know so many others have it so very much worse. Hey, a thought just hit me. I always say there is always two ways you can look at everything. What is the life style so many men dream about? Being able to sit around doing nothing, napping as I choose, watching TV as I want to. Hey, I am living the dream life, so I had better quit complaining.

An old fable or story comes to mind. I am not sure where I heard this or read it.

There is a very isolated, very poor village located somewhere. The donkey of one of the farmers falls into an old dry well. The farmer no matter how hard he tries can’t get the donkey out. He calls on all the other villagers. Soon the entire village is gathered around the well, discussing various ways to get the donkey out. Each possible way is discussed and then rejected as being too difficult or too expensive. Ultimately, it was decided there was just nothing that could be done to save the donkey and as the well was dry, it might as well be filled in with dirt so that nothing else would fall into it.

(I know, I know, it sounds inhuman to bury a donkey alive but bear with me on this) A group begins to throw shovel full after shovel full of dirt into the hole. Almost miraculously they all see the donkey beginning to rise up out of the hole. They realize that as each shovel full of dirt hits the donkey’s back he is merely shrugging it off. Then as the dirt lands at his feet he is using it to build himself a higher and higher sturdy base to stand on. The donkey is save the dry well is filled in and all ends well.

I like this story; I am not sure how well I have worded it to convey the real meaning it has for me. Can we use this as a comparable to so much that happens in our own lives? Almost daily we have some sort of “dirt” thrown on us. The only difference is the “dirt” thrown on us is usually “emotional dirt” being the problems and stresses of life. Do we have what I call, Donkey wisdom? Do we shake off the “dirt” thrown our way, using it as a platform to build a more solid base to stand on? Or, do we lie down and allow it to bury us? Think about it. Discrimination is what we face every day, just give it a shot and fight for yourself. Feel the difference. Love people no matter how they are and what they do to you and be loved.

I have been desperately waiting for a exceedingly long time to lay a hand on this topic which might be controversial and irritating to many. The topic doesn’t seem like related to my life but it has a huge affect on your social circle and the people around you. This is mainly vulgarity which people love to show off, I don’t know why but actually it is some sort off a psychological disorder or vital hormonal change. I have always been to co-ed institutes where usually both the sexes draw closer, and as you move up the educational hierarchy the subject tends to diversify. Teenage is the time when people usually feel they should have a boyfriend or girlfriend to look after, share emotions, talk and to look after them. But they forget the limit drawn by their family or guardians.

I may not fidget with the religious perspective but socially people tend to open up quite quickly forgetting they reside in a Muslim state, though they are not Muslims but people around them are. I have noticed a girl who was with me back from by childhood and unfortunately now we study in the same university, this girl had countless number of boyfriends and now I met her last week with her newest boyfriend, she did every impossible thing to her boyfriend that she must not have through. Cant people keep these uncontrollable emotions behind private curtains, why to show people how much you love each other, I am sure there might be cleaner ways to show your love. This is not because I never had a girl friend, but I would never want to show how reproduction takes place on the main boulevard.

I have always heard men are more desperate than the female gender but I estimate it’s the other way round, the boy keeps on resisting and you pull him over and take a smooch. Two kinds of people are very dangerous, a man and a woman who are never concerned about their reputation and or being exterminated may turn out to be a prostitute or a sharp shooter (Killer). These people are the most defective ones and I guess the girl I have mentioned above is the perfect example. I won’t mention her name because I believe she may realize one day that the path she has chosen is the wrong one and money and sex is not the whole thing.

There are plenty of more examples, but I deduce examples won’t do anything without the correct plan of action. If people feel they need to have a collaborator before marriage then why to expose every single thing that should be kept in private. Have you ever seen a married couple practicing kisses and sex in public? If people term this as showing love then according to me its not more than showing people, you are not more than a porn star.

When you know these inexcusable people or you have been together with them in high school then it’s more disgusting because people question you, they ask how much does she take for a night stand. Is she warm in bed? And you feel awkward to answer these repulsive questions. If you defend her then you are moved out with mocking, hissing and false allegations and the only solution is to humiliate her as much as you can to get rid of the shit and be with the bad guys.

I have no right to discuss these people in my blog but these dealings affect me in some way or the other. I guess people feel proud of what they do or how strong their bond is but why don’t these shit heads thinks socially, morally and ethically? You go on a date, sit right on each other and become the centre of lure, do these people suffer from inferiority complex or they are the better-quality class of the society? Is it westernization? If it is then soon we are going to have nude beaches and brothels all over the country. Even people in countries like India avoid exposing relationships publicly.

I never had a problem with people having temporary partners or the way they meet (hug, shake hands) but this action of vulgarity has really pissed me off from the day I have seen the girl I have mentioned previously. I may not reference it from any religious or holy book, but we have 2 approaches, religiously and ethically. This is the ethical approach. Even the agnostics/atheists who belong to no religion tend to follow ethics.