Posts Tagged ‘memories’

I am trying my best to be I suppose you could call it a student of life. In my own way I am trying to learn and understand more about life in general and of people all people. To get a better understanding of actions and reactions to situations in life. What I am learning is of how little I really know or understand. Sounds strange maybe but I realize the more I think I learn the less I realize I understand???? A few examples of the things that having me going, HUH???

Now, I think it is a fair statement to make, that, the vast majority of people do not want to die. Now that sounds pretty straight forward and simple. I can easily understand that, I can relate to that. Now here is the part I just do not understand. We do not want to die so obviously we want to go on living, our lives are precious to us. Again, I can certainly relate. Now here is the part I don’t understand. We all recognize and appreciate how precious our lives are, how precious our time on this planet is. But, do we really? We each know our individual time here is limited, we see how precious it is, but what are we doing with it? Why do we take time for granted always assuming there will be many tomorrows in which we can enjoy life. I think we live with so many thoughts of the future we forget to live today. Not sure where I heard this: “Life is not about learning how to weather a storm; it is about learning how to dance in the rain.” Thank about that as you go about your day.

As a society it seems to me anyway, that we are only comfortable dealing with or even thinking about death and dying when it is maybe in the abstract almost. By that I mean when it is happening to people far far away. People that we are not related to or associated with in anyway and somehow talking about them dying is an “OK” subject. Or, at least it doesn’t seem to make us feel as uncomfortable. Suddenly though if the topic hits closer to home it becomes more uncomfortable, we don’t want to talk about it or even think about it. Is it the fear of loss that affects us so deeply. A loved one passes and we have a really sense of loss. It is not only a sense of loss but a real loss in our lives. Without that person there our lives are changed forever, no denying that. Our lives are changed yes but can be and will be just as good with time. i have to wonder, we are grieving a loss, is that our main fear in this whole thing. We are grieving our own personal loss what is missing out of our lives. I don’t know are we really grieving more for ourselves than the other person. I don’t know that was just a thought that popped into my head.

What about if we are facing our own passing? Well actually that statement applies to every single person on this planet, it is just the timing. Struggling with wording, does that make sense? Can we become so obsessed with not wanting to lose our lives that we forget to live them while we still can?

Wow, I really got off track here as I rambled on. I’ve got to share a new perspective. It is when you lose people in terms of relationships. When people get into relationships or what you call friends with benefits, this is time when their priorities change; they value their partner more and dike you whenever they want to. This is so unfair. For the past six months this happens frequently with me. What to do? I can’t get any solutions to this issue. Then I thought how about we be the same with them and talk to them the way we used to. They may realize some day that they were wrong and come back to you, but this technique of mine seems to be a heart eiderdown, it’s not working too. Good luck to all those people who fall in this category.

As this was the last post of this file, I’ll take a week off before I start a new file.

Good Day 🙂


This all really makes me realize how much I have changed over the years. There was a time when reading comments such as those would have had me just jumping up and down mad. Now I just shake head and chuckle.

I really am trying to get a better understanding of life. My life in particular, how  I see myself, how I see myself relating to the world and how I see the world in general. I suppose I am seeking a greater understanding of what it is all about. I do believe I am making at least some headway in this. I think the greatest understanding I have reached is that there is just an endless list of things I will never understand. I think the biggest revelation for me was, I don’t  have to  understand so very many things that go on around me or in the world as a whole. I realize that most often, my confusion or lack of understanding comes from the actions or reactions of other people.

Just realizing and accepting the plain fact that there is so much I will never be able to understand gives me a sense of freedom. Not sure if I am making that clear.

Everyone is making this same journey through life. Some are just on different paths than the one I have chosen. NO ONE can ever travel exactly the same path as another. Each person being on their own journey will encounter different options, challenges and rewards than I may on my path. That is to be expected, it is a slightly different path, and the trip has to be even just slightly different. Huh, I had a point I was leading to here but seem to have lost my train of thought. Not sure what the point was but I bet it was a good one.

I know I have joked around a lot about my memory, calling myself memory guy and what not. Most of the time, well almost all of the time, your memory is of no concern at all. You just blissfully carry on with your day, your life. You just have no idea of what you have forgotten, well because you have forgotten it. Every once in a while though something comes up and you realize just how bad your memory has become. Just such an issue has arisen, and I extend a big thank you to people for their assistance.

Times like this make me sort of take stock of where I am in general with all of this memory stuff. My memory is getting worse there is no question about that. It is disturbing really when I stop and think about how much worse.

Thank goodness of Faizan Masood being here to remind me. I have reached the point where I am forgetting to rate my priorities in a required manner. With my heart that is not a good thing, not that it is a good thing at any time. More and more he has to prompt me, remind me about them. Thank you man.

Now anyone that knows me, knows I am too short for my weight. OK, I am carrying“less” extra pounds. Now for me to say I am forgetting to eat will just cause many to stop and scratch their heads in wonder. Now I have to explain that, it is actually meals I am forgetting. When I’m alone,  it can be into the evening even say around 9:00pm before I realize I am hungry and have been snacking on whatever is around. Often I realize then I had forgotten to eat “dinner/supper” whatever you wish to call it. Who wants to start cooking at that time, so I snack on?

An example. In this post I wanted to say thank you to Sikandar Khan and Munir who don’t change with time, while the others do. Well I wrote down his name and have it upstairs. I even checked it to be sure before I came to the basement here to type. By the time I had gotten signed on to the computer, I had already forgotten and had to run back to check. Geesh.

Friends tease me. If you ever have a secret you are just burning to tell someone. Well tell Mudassir and Maroof, he will have forgotten it in a hour or so anyway. I think I may have been told secrets, just can’t remember.

Ah well, not sense worrying about it, not worth the effort. In an hour or so I will have forgotten anyway so what is the point. Now that is the upside to a bad memory

I am starting to feel better. Physically, I have been getting lots of rest and that has helped perk me up. I have sought the comfort of my meditation chair and that has done wonders for my mood and attitude. It seems when I get bad news it gets me all fired up and takes a few days for me to get my head wrapped around it. I suppose that comes from my human mind and heart that constantly wants my will to be done.

I pray daily for God’s will to be done in my life, still with this pesky free will thing. Generally, I am a pretty laid back, relaxed kind of guy. Very few things in regular day to day life ruffle my feathers or bother me at all. Last weeks thingy is not I would classify as a regular day to day thing and it did hit me kind of hard. It is sort of like

I have thought about it, worried about it and prayed about it.

This is God.  Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.  I do Not need your help.  So, have a nice day.
I love you. And, remember…. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself!  Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME.  All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it.  Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now. Should you decide to send this to a friend; thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know! This is for my dearest thing (My Champion).

Now, you have a nice day.

It so nicely puts into words the thoughts and feelings I already know and was gently being lead to focus on in the meditation chair

Realistically my life expectancy has been shortened. Now the key word there is expectancy. Look at me here I am still going long after anyone ever expected and I have no plans on checking out any time soon. OK, that is based on my plans; I guess we will have to see. So my dearest thing(My Champion) should chill around and not worry.

As I think of it I realize it isn’t the amount of time we have on this earth that is most important. It is indeed what we do with what time we have. How we live it, how we enjoy it. I do know of some that while maybe physically doing just fine have seemingly already died inside. They are not live but rather enduring life, such a waste, so sad.

NO ONE know how long they have on this earth. Why do so many just take it for granted they have years and years to go and I do hope and pray they do. Take nothing for granted, start really living life today.

There was something about the way everything happened that made me think I’d be a fool to ever allow anyone in my life in any significant way. But I felt that, deeply and clearly. I felt that I couldn’t go through something so devastating, to have failed so spectacularly, then just start up with someone new as if none of that had happened. I thought the scars would be too many, the baggage too heavy.

More than anything, though, I thought about love. And what I thought was, that’s not something I deserve. You don’t fail in this way, you don’t put people in the middle of this mess, and then think you get some happiness when the dust settles. I wasn’t on some martyr trip; I just didn’t think I had the right to it. Why should I get to have anything beautiful and good when the thing I thought I was fighting so hard for was the very thing I killed?

Also, the truth was that my stomach churned at the mere thought of having real feelings for anyone again. I could date, I could screw, I could find endless distractions – but I could not love. Didn’t want to. Didn’t want the headache, the stress, the heartache. No one would ever be worth the pain again, because for me, love has always been synonymous with suffering (love in every sense be it family or friends). I’d seen what effort and giving and honesty had gotten me: nothing. Or rather, my heart handed to me on a platter and my life, ripped apart.

Yeah, love? Not worth it. I knew I had the capacity to love, and that based on the kind of person I am, that I would not become cynical towards love or close myself to those kinds of feelings. I just did not think I could really allow it into my life; I’ll leave all of it for my bride… I guess before marriage this is more of desperation/Infatuation than love…what say?

I’ve spent countless nights ruminating about love. I will never know the answer to that, and in a way, the answer doesn’t even matter.

Life is a bit uncertain. Don’t know when death strikes. So should I wait to get married and have children, I am referring to the legal style of getting married. How about hooking up with a girl, enjoying all the pre-marriage luxuries and then dying without regretting that you never had a girl. So what say? Enjoy a girl in your life now or wait for the right time. I guess waiting for the right time seems more appropriate, socially, religiously and ethically.

I sit here with a feeling that is hard to describe. Maybe awe or wonderment would be good words to describe it. Another year, 2009 is coming to an end and I AM STILL HERE. I think back over the past 4 or 5 years. There were indeed many many times when I never thought I would make it this long. I suppose it must have largely depended on my mood of the moment which too often I still allow to be determined by how I am feeling that particular day. I am getting better at it. I know attitude is everything. A good strong positive attitude will carry you far and through much. I do know that and try to work at it, but it is at times easier said than done. I realize that when my attitude is suffering a little it is indeed time to retreat to the meditation chair. That chair does wonders for me.

What did 2009 give me? Well there was that business loss that wasn’t very much fun. There was that stomach virus thing, diarrhea for 3 straight weeks, well that wasn’t very much fun. Finding myself continually have to adjust my thinking to accept reduced physical limitations, that is no fun. Hearing of the passing of a high school friend. Geesh, what kind of a year was 2009?

Well there are always 2 ways to look at everything and I look at 2009 as being a great year.

What did 2009 bring me:

Hey, 2009 is the year I survived some awful moments and made more than 350 new friends, now how great is that.

Three straight months of not feeling well and having Congestion, flu and respiration problems. It was a wonderful learning experience for me as a person. Spirits sagged after what seemed to be endless days of not feeling well. I tried to comfort myself with thoughts such as there are so many that have it so much worse than I. That actually did work for a while, but as it dragged on, I found myself thinking more and more. Other people have it worse, well that is too bad. But I don’t care right now, I am feeling like crap and am sick and tired of feeling this way. As I knew I would I eventually got over it.

Well what I learned from that. For me 2 very big things. Actually, I already knew them but I obviously needed a reminder or to have them reinforced in my mind.

What was I reminded of? So very often I write about the importance of attitude. Now I do believe every once in a while when feeling sick we are indeed entitled to a poor me DAY but that we should indeed try to limit the poor me to a day or two. I had this thing long enough that it became obvious that at least to some extent I could at least help determine how I would feel physically through the day. On days my thoughts went to poor me, I physically felt worse than I did when I got on top of the attitude thing.

Secondly, it gave me a better understanding of or empathy for what others are going through. I had this thing for 3 months. Imagine having like a mild flu that last for 3 months. It wears on you, it wears you down. There “MAY’ have been a few days when I became a little “CRANKY”. I realize there are so many that have it so much worse than I did. They are entitled to the occasional “cranky” day and who know how much more.

I do believe the Good Lord will present us with opportunities to learn and grow as people. These opportunities may come in the most unexpected ways. I will call this flu like thing I had the flu. Doctors did tests and were unable to determine what was causing my symptoms. But this family doctor labeled it as lack of immunity.

When I am presented with a “challenge” of whatever sort it may be. I do look for opportunities to learn and grow from it. I don’t always see what ever lesson it is that is there for me to learn. But I do look.

Now I think of this “flu” thing I had. No at no time did I ever consider it to be more than some sort of really annoying virus. I never thought of it as life threatening or anything of the sort. Yet, with time it wore me down and I “MAY” have become a little “CRANKY” some days, I just wanted it over with, enough is enough all ready.

My thoughts turned to those that do indeed have it so much worse than I did. Throughout it all I did know I would in time get better, there was a light at the end of my tunnel. There are so very many terrible diseases that can and do strike so many down. Many suffer terribly month after month and for them there is no light at the end of the tunnel, no hope of ever feeling better. How it must wear them down. I have a much better understanding of the “cranky” day here and there.

Back to my flu thing. I don’t know what it was. What I do know is that, I learned two life lessons from it. I do know that as this become clearer and clearer in my head, the flu went away. It seemed to come out of nowhere and disappeared the same way, suddenly just gone. Coincidence possibly, life lesson learned definitely which make me grateful to have had the “flu”

As I write I do try to encourage the positive attitude. That is so very important both if you are the one that is ill and if you are with someone that is ill. Or just in life in general. Life is not always easy; living while knowing you are dying is not always easy, living with someone you know is dying is not easy. An occasional cranky day is understandable. Too many such days and you are hurting yourself and all around you.

So my new social sciences gang is awesome too. And I met someone who you can count on a number of times fearing he/she would never vomit in front of people. And the end of 2009 was far better than 2008.

I have more to say about my year, but in my usual rambling style have rambled on enough to tire myself right out.

Here I go with the last blog of this file, Random moments. I have been writing very very fast and I need to slow down so that people cope up with their reading speed. Almost all the blogs are either too sentimental or emotional but I’ll try and put some humor in this one, so you enjoy reading it. This blog contains some very important personalities which has really helped me in some way or the other.

Shahmeer Magsi AKA SHAGGY MAGGY, this specie was my teacher and a very good friend. He is round as a beach ball and he usually scolds me when I do something wrong or silly. I’ve had some very awe-inspiring moments with him, going for breakfast/dinner, gossiping and making life fun… but he still has to fix one meeting with William 😉

Sennen D’souza, this son of a biscuit has millions of excuses and actually he was born because of an excuse. Spending time with him is fun, he is supportive and helps you when you are stuck making a report or a presentation. He is a lazy bump and often behaves like a pregnant lady.

Maroof Motan and Muddasir Ansar, these sons of their mom are true friends, they usually move together and I don’t know why aren’t they twin brothers. We usually exchange bharams and laugh in the end. Currently we are checking out chicks, for which is good and which one is SAB HALAL HAI.

Madiha Kherani and Zainab Abduallah, these two nerds share an apartment, can’t comment about their orientation but they are good friends. They both are from a village called Hyderabad, they’ve come to the city to pursue their future education.

UroojPariyani, this one sick woman is engaged and she makes your life hell, she’ll soon be a patient of ulcer. She sneezes very loud disturbing half a dozen of the class with her sneezes. If you are working in a group then make her the group leader she’ll surely haunt everyone in the group.

Ismat Hashmi… she is irritated by my chewing gum, muddi’s beard, fahd’s hair and a lot more… you read her statuses on facebook and it seems she is the most innocent girl on the planet, earth… a victim spared by tsunami 😉

Roydon D’mello, this man has actually taught me how to write a blog, this son of his mom is a very good friend of fine and has really helped me in every aspect of life.

Sarfaraz Memon, this hairy bitch doesn’t know how to pronounce psychology instead he calls it PSY-CHO-LOO-GYY. You’ll surely love pulling his chest hair; I love to, as a revenge because he once shaved my beard, in other words actually raped me.

Moiz Khan, a pure gentleman now working to get hooked up with a Spanish girl. He is one of the oldest friend since my nursery days. He have had some very memorable times, stealing exam papers and making fun of people around.

Hassan Qadir, Ali, Fahd, Yasir, they are the integral part of the famous six gang, Hassan is now hooked up with s***** and soon they are going to have children, ali is working hard with sadaf and they’ll soon get married. Hope I don’t offend both of them with this…. haha…

Yasir has flunked his CA exams and is now planning how to tackle his dad.. he is usually quiet and thinks what he’l do once he is married

Fahd… this man is a dental man with lots of fat and carbohydrates… this lumion studies hard and competes with everyone be it of his caliber or not 😉

Virda Hassan, a very good friend since my child hood days. Boss of all the girls and very good at academics. She has really put us together, the happy home gang. And I expect a treat from her for her admission in NED.

Wajiha Inam, an ex-ex-Happy Homer. Was or is a good friend, she is good but engaged ;-p. And actually she is a genius and is wasting time in getting married and being a good house wife… Chinioti’s usually think this way…no offence.

Ashar Raza, this son of a moron messes up his life in every way possible. If he talks to a girl he thinks she is his girl friend’s, he imagines getting married with her and soon they both have children…imagining.

Salman Lotia and Sikandar Khan, they usually are the quietest people of the gang. They either don’t speak a word in public or they would mumble to themselves. Sikandar is nick named as jiglo and salman’s nick cannot be said in public…

Shoaib Patel, haha…. You cross on a red light, a cop catches you and starts writing on a challan book, shoaib comes out of his car and says “QASIM PATEL IS MY DADA” cop closes the book and vanishes. This thin little man is a good friend of mine, I could write a whole book on him but due to time and space constraints I would move on. he is not made of nutrients put attitude is his built- in characteristic. 😀

Faizan Usman AKA Memon, this man really gets annoyed when you say GANJA SHAITAN in front of him…lol… leave it aside. He finally got into IQRA and according to him it is the top university and meena kumari is the best female on the planet earth. Fortunately he forgot muzzamil, who he once planned to hook up with… 😉

Fahad Shah, he is a cry baby, he tends to make fun of people but unfortunately these days’ people have made his life hell. He loves zahid a lot and we just come to know that he is gay… 🙂

Asad Shah, this man is too good to be called a friend. He lives quite far but I would do almost every single thing to stay in touch with him.

Mustafa Daud, this son of his mom has a funny dad who is usually out of town. I have spent some fantastic moments with him, from Valentine’s Day till father’s day. And this man is always up to help me out in very shit I drop into.

Afshan Shabbir, this young lady is a problem solver, she advices you which girl is good for you and which one would make your life hell. She is a sweet heart.

Asif Faruqi, a man with enormous political knowledge and biased ideas… this man should have been in the police… he’s violent like a dog master…bad helpful at time

Adeel Hanif… one of my new friends at university but he is the only maulana who I think is religiously unbiased and he tends to think logically… he is the answer to every question of mine… thankyou man I’ll be needing you in my future endeavors.

Puply and duply… these two are the gay couples i met in my university… puply call a day before the final exam and say Hallllllloooo in an exhausted manner and frights you away. duply has plans to join politics.

Faizan Masood, I have kept this guy for the last because he has done almost everything for me, what you call a diehard friend. A friend who would come to you at 4 in the morning if you stuck in some sort of shit or he would come and rescue you from the jail. Words can’t express our friendship.

Some new friends are still to mention in my next blog.

Good luck

Have a nice day 🙂