Posts Tagged ‘parents’

I am trying my best to be I suppose you could call it a student of life. In my own way I am trying to learn and understand more about life in general and of people all people. To get a better understanding of actions and reactions to situations in life. What I am learning is of how little I really know or understand. Sounds strange maybe but I realize the more I think I learn the less I realize I understand???? A few examples of the things that having me going, HUH???

Now, I think it is a fair statement to make, that, the vast majority of people do not want to die. Now that sounds pretty straight forward and simple. I can easily understand that, I can relate to that. Now here is the part I just do not understand. We do not want to die so obviously we want to go on living, our lives are precious to us. Again, I can certainly relate. Now here is the part I don’t understand. We all recognize and appreciate how precious our lives are, how precious our time on this planet is. But, do we really? We each know our individual time here is limited, we see how precious it is, but what are we doing with it? Why do we take time for granted always assuming there will be many tomorrows in which we can enjoy life. I think we live with so many thoughts of the future we forget to live today. Not sure where I heard this: “Life is not about learning how to weather a storm; it is about learning how to dance in the rain.” Thank about that as you go about your day.

As a society it seems to me anyway, that we are only comfortable dealing with or even thinking about death and dying when it is maybe in the abstract almost. By that I mean when it is happening to people far far away. People that we are not related to or associated with in anyway and somehow talking about them dying is an “OK” subject. Or, at least it doesn’t seem to make us feel as uncomfortable. Suddenly though if the topic hits closer to home it becomes more uncomfortable, we don’t want to talk about it or even think about it. Is it the fear of loss that affects us so deeply. A loved one passes and we have a really sense of loss. It is not only a sense of loss but a real loss in our lives. Without that person there our lives are changed forever, no denying that. Our lives are changed yes but can be and will be just as good with time. i have to wonder, we are grieving a loss, is that our main fear in this whole thing. We are grieving our own personal loss what is missing out of our lives. I don’t know are we really grieving more for ourselves than the other person. I don’t know that was just a thought that popped into my head.

What about if we are facing our own passing? Well actually that statement applies to every single person on this planet, it is just the timing. Struggling with wording, does that make sense? Can we become so obsessed with not wanting to lose our lives that we forget to live them while we still can?

Wow, I really got off track here as I rambled on. I’ve got to share a new perspective. It is when you lose people in terms of relationships. When people get into relationships or what you call friends with benefits, this is time when their priorities change; they value their partner more and dike you whenever they want to. This is so unfair. For the past six months this happens frequently with me. What to do? I can’t get any solutions to this issue. Then I thought how about we be the same with them and talk to them the way we used to. They may realize some day that they were wrong and come back to you, but this technique of mine seems to be a heart eiderdown, it’s not working too. Good luck to all those people who fall in this category.

As this was the last post of this file, I’ll take a week off before I start a new file.

Good Day 🙂

Feeling pretty good, will try and get outside for a little fresh air and exercise.

Mother’s Day approaching and I have been spending a lot of time thinking of my own dear mother. In some ways it is hard to believe it has been 21 years and she still baby’s me. I can remember some of our talks like they were yesterday. In other ways it seems almost like forever since I last got to those lectures from her. Isn’t it almost strange how the passing of time can seem different? Maybe it is just our mood at the moment that determines if 21 years ago seems like yesterday or like it was forever ago.

My mother is an amazing lady. She had such a great internal strength that just kept her going through anything and everything. To say she had a hard life would be an understatement but nothing kept her down or really even hardly slowed her down. Her social work outside home that was part time and yet still came home and did everything in the home. It is only now with my more mature and I hope wiser eyes that I can really look back and see things as they were. It is only now that I can look and really see and appreciate how strong she was, how much she endured, how much she gave and how much she loved. How much I selfishly seemed to expect her to sacrifice of herself for me. I always felt love to my mother but those feelings just never even seemed to enter into the equation. I just knew what I wanted, what I expected and was mad if it didn’t work out the way I wanted. OK, granted I am talking about when I was a kid. From my youngest memory she was always just there and did everything for us. That she was there and that she would do everything was just taken for granted, just automatically accepted as the norm, was expected as who she was and what she was there fore.

I can see that when I was really young that would be natural. I kick myself so often now, when I think back and really wonder why when I grew into and advanced in my teens wasn’t I able to see this. I think I was just so self absorbed in my own life, my own wants and desires I just didn’t see things for what they were and just accepted that this was the norm, as it was the way it had always been, and as the way it should be.

It truly wasn’t until I had been out on my own for a few years that I began to really see things more clearly and I suppose in fact stop taking her for granted. I experienced life for myself; I worked and studied full time and had to come home to the house hold stuff. It was only then that I began to take on an appreciation for all that she was doing and of how hard it was on her year after year. As I advanced in my teen years I did a few things to help out around the house, but any effort I put in was pitifully small.

I look back with feelings of guilt, wondering how she must have been made to feel realizing that somehow she had been lowered to an almost servant status. Somehow, I don’t even think she ever likely saw it that way, more as her role in life as a mother. I know in my mind I certainly never saw her or thought of her as a servant or anything of the sort. It is just I realize that really that is how she was so often treated. Never did I see it or realize it at the time.

I think of the times she must have felt so disheartened, so frustrated, so tired and maybe even so unloved. I can’t remember any specific examples but I am sure there were many times after a hard full day at social work when she came home to 2 complaining little grandsons. Hungry and complaining about the minutes late she was. “Didn’t she realize, how inconvenient this was for me. I may have had plans for the evening and here she was late. Didn’t she know I had to have eaten and be out by a certain time or my plans might be delayed.” “Why couldn’t she understand how I had every right to be upset with her?” I was at the same place a couple of years back.

I regret it so much, how could I have allowed myself to grow into that mindset. Embarrassing as it is to admit it I did.

Reality didn’t hit me until a couple of years after I had been on my own dependant more on friends and less on family. I was likely feeling pretty proud of myself for my new found independence being off on my own. I remember arriving late afternoon, just before supper/dinner time. There were my 2 nephews, complaining of being hungry and wondering why mother was late getting home from work to prepare the meal. I guess I had been transformed, because I remember being shock, thinking what is the matter with you guys. You can cook for yourself and why aren’t you cooking supper for mother when she gets home (huh they’re kids). You are just sitting here, what is the matter with you. Somewhere in there it came to me that just a year or two previously I had been sitting on the same couch waiting in the same impatient way. Here I was questioning what was the matter with them, huh, the same thing that had been the matter with me. It was like a light had gone off in my head, the realization had set in. I remember that during this conversation my mother in fact arrived home and immediately began preparing the meal. Well with my new-found insight I was in there trying to help but she just kept shooing me away.

That truly was a life changing moment for me a great moment of learning. Never did I treat her the same, or even see her with the same eyes again. She was elevated back to her proper position as my respected and loved mother.

My mother is a wonderful Lady, she taught me so much. So much that makes me who I am today. The lesson she taught me here was to look at all relationships in my life and make sure I am treating everyone with dignity and respect. I learned that lesson that day, and it has stuck with me.

I have often said that I know see things differently than I did in my younger years. I know I am very lucky to see things as I do now, but feel sad that it took me this long and to have to get to this point in my life before, I could actually see things as they are.

Obviously, I am either a slow learner or just not that bright that is the part that, I suppose makes me sad. I firmly believe, our God, will present us with life situations which are really opportunities for us to learn and grow as Spiritual Beings. The lesson is right there for us to learn from no matter in what form it is presented to us. If we do in fact take advantage of the opportunity presented to us, we will learn and grow as people. Yes, we will then see things differently.

Every parent here on this earth loves and wants their children to grow, to flourish, to be happen, to love and to find love. To help them attain this we do our best in our own ways to teach our children the lessons in life, as we are able.

In my eyes I see this as being a good comparable with that of our individual relationships with our God. There is a difference though, that being that His love for us is magnified to a level beyond our physical understanding. He wants us to learn and to grow as spiritual beings. No let’s face it if everything in life just flowed smoothly along we would just complacently go with the flow and likely learn very little about being a better person. Now obviously there are exceptions to this but I do think it would apply to most, as it did to me.

It seems we learn best from our mistakes or from facing adversity, this just seem to be a human trait or at the very least a “Miqdad” trait. Here is something else I have heard somewhere with people saying “if our kids could only learn from our mistakes, their lives could be so much easier.” Now that is likely true enough, but the big question to be asked here, is Did we learn from our own mistakes? Now I would like to be able to say, either I have never made any mistakes or that I had learned from each on and grown from it. That statement would qualify for the biggest LOL ever. I was going to say, if you were able to write them all down you could fill a book with the mistakes in life I have made. But, that would be inaccurate; my mistakes would fill easily 5 or 6 books. It is not always a bad thing having memory issues as I am sure I have forgotten many embarrassing blunders.

I am greatly comforted by the fact that I do believe that God does see us as being Human. Humans are not perfect beings. He does not expect perfection of us, only that we keep trying. That I am. Someday it seems a little harder than others or maybe it is my effort is a little stronger some days than others.

I often consider life to be like a highway and I refer to the highway of life. As does any highway, it at times has pot holes.

Hey, I love using comparables but know I often end up going around in circles but here we go as I try to get my thoughts across in a way that makes sense. In this physical world, let’s imagine you buy a new car. You hit a pot hole and no big deal, no noticeable difference to the car. But, you realize if you continue to hit enough of these potholes it is going to add a lot of wear and tear to the car. As your experience as a driver increases you learn to watch the road ahead and realize at times you can steer to avoid the potholes, staying on smooth highway. You know though that no matter how carefully you drive there will be times when a pothole is suddenly in front of you before you have time to react and you hit it. At times the pothole may be so big your car actually gets stuck in it, your car is completely mired down in mud. You can sit there revving the engine, tires spinning madly and you are going nowhere. While in that mode you are just adding useless wear and tear to the car and accomplishing nothing. You sit there wheels pointing straight ahead, engine roaring and you are going nowhere. Here we go with another one of the quotes I heard somewhere: one definition of insanity could be continuing to do the same thing over and over again in exactly the same manner and yet continuing to be disappointed when the end result comes out the same.

We have to do something differently. Maybe instead of just trying to bulldoze our way straight ahead, we turn the steering wheel of the car. Maybe we can get better traction if we try even going in a slightly different direction. Maybe we need someone to give us a little push. Could be we even need a tow truck to actually pull our car through. However we do it, we eventually get our car back on the highway, how much wear and tear or battering it took while mired down depends on how we dealt with it. Next time we get our car stuck, did we learn the futility of just sitting there or will be a little quicker to try something different.

Don’t know how well I explained that. But, now try to picture the highway of life. Your mind is the driver, your heart the engine and your body is the car. How many potholes in life do we have to hit before we learn to avoid them? How many times do we have to get mired down before we realize the futility of just trying to bulldoze our way straight ahead? Let me know what you think. Posts all open to all sorts of comments; feel free to express your view. I’ll start a new file soon, this file ends with a remarkable note.

The effort required for life begins when we are very young. We have to drag our butts out of bed to go to school. There we are required to put forth great effort to learn the lessons being taught. This is the very beginning of the life cycle that teaches us, “The more effort we put into it the greater will be our rewards”. In school it is obvious the more effort we put forth, the more we learn and the better are our grades.

Generally, right out of school, we enter the work force. Here we are paid a wage for doing a particular job. Now I know it doesn’t always work this way but here again the more effort you put into it the more you get out of it, ie. Raises, bonus and promotions. I know that in the work place things don’t always work this way but I hope you get the point I am trying to make here. The idea being harder work (greater effort) is recognized and rewarded.

We can see that in our dealings with the “outside” world that the more the effort put out the greater the return back becomes.

Do we ever stop to think that this may also apply to within our own personal lives? When I say personal lives, I am actually meaning it in 2 different ways:

1) Personal life meaning relationships with spouse, children, family and friends. Let’s just take children as an example. As a parent, it is our job to raise our children. In raising a child we firstly provide the basics food, clothing and shelter, hopefully in a safe environment. But, when you think of it, that is only the tip of the ice berg when it comes to parenting. It is our job to teach our children how to become good healthy, well adjusted adults, prepared to go out on their own and face the world. This is the part that can require a whole lot of effort, can seem never ending and even thankless. This I believe is generally one of the biggest examples of the more effort put forward now yields the greatest returns later. The “return” being able to see your children as well adjusted adults.

A thought just hit me as I am sitting here. If we fore go the parenting part of raising our children. We can in fact become some one more akin to a landlord providing room and board to young unpaying tenant that are raising themselves.

2) Living with the inner me. I am the inner me. I live constantly with my own thoughts and feelings. How much effort do I put into feeling good about this person that is me. The person I see staring back at me in the mirror every morning. It takes effort to work on myself but this is the ultimate example of the more effort put in the greater will be the return as we become better, healthier, happier people.
Geesh, we really are talking a whole lot of effort being exerted all the time. No wonder we are all so tired all the time.

I look back now and can really see, most of my life, I had my priorities mixed up. I put way to much effort into my endeavors in the “outside world”. In all areas of my life I needed to have my priorities in a more proper or better order.

At times it is hard to accept we are human and there will be many times when our best efforts are not enough to accomplish everything we would like to. We may not have the energy or the TIME.

As humans we have our limits, our frailties that can limit the energy we have to expend. Maybe I or we have to look at each day individually. OK, I have this amount of energy I can use today. How am I going to use it, wisely I hope.

For me and many others “time” has become a major factor in our lives. I know I have to, but maybe everyone should look at each day and realize, I have only so much time in this day, how am I going to most wisely use it. Oh, time is such a big one, none of us knows how much of it we have left. It has to be used wisely

Yesterday was a big day for me. I planted 30 hills of potatoes. Now, I know many will read this and just say, huh, so that was about maybe 3o minutes out of your day, so what!!!

Well possibly that may have been about 30 minutes out of the day for many. For me it was an almost all afternoon job. Let’s just say there were “several” breaks for me to huff and puff. OK, there was a lot more time spent sitting in the lawn chair than there was planting time. But, who cares? My point is, I got it done!!!! For me it has been hard, accepting my physical limitations. I find looking back I have too often had a bit of a poor me attitude. I didn’t actually think, “poor me” but I was acting the role. My thoughts were more like: “a few years ago I could have done that and not even given it a second thought. Now is different, with all my commitments it would just take too much time and effort, it just isn’t worth it.”

I can now see that once I started with that thought process, it became like a slippery slope. It became easier and easier to rationalize away doing more and more in life. How many times have I written the importance of living life and not just enduring it. Now I can’t really say I feel like I have been enduring life, my life is good, I know I am a lucky man. What I realize is I am allowing more and more of living life to slip away on me because it would take too much effort.

Irregardless, of health or anything else, LIVING LIFE TAKES EFFORT. Enduring life takes much less. I suppose it is one of those things that the more you put into it the more you will get back.

Obviously, there is a balance here and common sense has to prevail. I concede it is not to likely you will be seeing me running in any marathons at any time, but so what!! Living is doing what you can with what you have!!!

Yesterday, I decided I could plant potatoes in the garden with unprivileged children and I did. Fine it took me a lot longer than it may have for others, but so what. I did it. Not only did I get them planted but with all the time sitting resting in the sun, I soaked up some rays. Any that have looked at my picture will see I have a lot more forehead to burn than do many and burn it did.

Hey, who knows, maybe I will be mountain climbing next. LOL

Wow, the past few days here on the blog have been kind of wild, not sure if that is the right word to describe it, Now a day or two ago I did receive a comment that did catch me by surprise. Let’s just say it was not all that flattering to me and hey, I never expect everyone to agree with everything I have to say and that is fair enough. Normally I would just blow this comment off, giving it the attention I think it deserves, which is none.

Now again I quote my dear MUM. She used to joke that when as a child I was vaccinated it must have been with a butterfly needle as I always have to get my say into everything. So here I go again.

I have realized life lessons can come from the most unusual or unexpected places. What have I learned from this experience. I have a lot of loving friends that have contacted me either here on the blog or via email. I do thank all for their support and encouragement.

Possibly it comes from being a dude all of my life. Risk is something I like taking be it financially or anything. Over the course of the blog I am very proud that almost 6,00 comments have been left. All but a handful have been very kind, loving and supportive. I cannot begin say how proud I am of all of my blogging friends, of how lucky I consider myself to have you all in my life. It is what is contained within so many of the comments that are most important to me. Yes, many contain kind and loving support for me, which I do appreciate so very much. But it goes so very far beyond that. Many others have in a time of need written in often sharing their own pain and grief. My dear blogging friends are always there in that time of need, providing loving support for any and all that come. It has gotten to the point I like to think of the blog more as a community of loving supportive friends. A community I am so very proud to be but a part of.

Now with that many comments there are bound to be a few, that let”s just say are outside the norm. I remember one way back somewhere that even said something to the effect: “Why don’t you just die already and quit wasting space on the internet”. Can’t remember how or even if I responded. I have grown with time and back then I imagine I had something to say.

To the dear blogging friends that have rushed in to support me with this, I thank you so very much. Please know I am fine with any comments directed at me. I will read such comments. Look to see if I feel it has any merit, see if I can learn from it and then pay it no mind.

The final lesson I have learned, is I have some work to do on myself. Any comment directed to me or at me, I can easily shrug off. BUT, disparaging comments directed at my mum or any of my family and my hackles go up.

Now this is my blog and I make the rules. I have always invited all comment, hey even those I might not personally agree with. That still applies comments from all are always welcome. BUT, any comments that I in my own judgment read as being mean spirited will be deleted entirely. Do remember I can even hack accounts and mess with your profiles. Do read the disclaimer page before you visit my blog 🙂

Finally…

Posted: February 28, 2010 in Uneven Moments
Tags: , , , ,

This has been an awful week on so many levels and it frustrates me that I can’t, right now, write about any of the awful things that have happened. Some of it is work related and some of it has to do with a close friend and both of those topics are off limits at the moment. I’m confident everything will work out in due time, but this week has been hard. The good news in all of it is that I think the recipe I was looking for was Knor with prawns and I intend to make a pot tonight.

The highlight of my week though was a call from my parents. I think it’s perfect and I really hope my parents enjoy the weekend. I miss them already.
Yesterday they called me excitedly, while I was at work, specifically to tell me about the new place and the hotel room. While shopping they called again though I was annoyed but I think they were missing me.
A friend bought me animal skin shoes last week. With the bumps still on it. I think that’s kind of gross actually. I’m just not a cowboy boot kind of a boy and most of my shoes aren’t made from animal products. Leather’s generally too expensive for Payless and Target. Alligator would be totally out of the question. They’re kind of nasty animals, but I don’t think they deserve to be killed and made into accessories, although there is quite the market for alligator meat in the north and interior and I guess if you’re going to eat them, you should make good use of their skin too. But yuck.

Sleep is what I require but no time. Friends, studies, work, blogging, social work and now this new event and fashion week. I desperately need a vacation. I want this semester to end fast.

Momma…Its for you…

Posted: November 5, 2009 in Random Moments...
Tags: , , , ,

I peeped in my mom’s mind and this is what I saw, it is what she thinks or probably all mum’s think. A blog dedicated to my mom.:-)

Of all the roles of life I got to live so far, bachelorhood has been/is the most rewarding, gratifying, and fulfilling experience for me. My parents are my need and necessity. Everything else and everybody else come a distant second in my life.” You must be wondering where do my friends stand then? I don’t belong to the clan which gushes and praises about the people in their lives. All I would say is, I owe a major part of my grooming and personality to mentors, coaches and friends.

My parents are a part of me and wherever they go and whatever they do, my thoughts and prayers would always be with them. I look forward to everyday and every minute with them but Alas the gap enhances every minute. I enjoy the simple pleasures of life with them like going out for dinner, reading out technological stuff to them and smile to myself when I catch the curiosity in their face. You got to live through those moments to realize how valuable they are.

Motherhood also teaches you a lot of things. It reveals your ability for patience, to take responsibilities and make sacrifices. I remember my mom being ridiculed, my spiky hair style would irritate many in my family and they would taunt my mom for spoiling me. I am not scared of calling them, bastards be it my relatives. People around me called me a “Spoiled ass”.
Motherhood is a big time job! Every word you say, every action of yours has a profound effect in shaping and molding your child’s character. It is always a pressing concern and priority as to what kind of individual am I going to contribute to the society. Where have I back off in being a good child, that I even don’t know.

Motherhood is definitely not for wimps. It has its highs and lows, challenges, conflicts, resistances, responsibilities, and bouts of guilty feelings. I remember reading somewhere that ‘Parenthood is a huge guilt-generating business.’
Motherhood! More So !!! At times, it could be a thankless job even. But certainly, it has its moments of sweetness, satisfaction, love, gratification, and pure joy too. My mom has patience to withstand all the challenges and bear me as a son, who does not believe in humility.

My mom had fears too. She often wondered how it would be when I got out of those short pants and whistling sandals. Will I become the ‘grumpy Mom’ disputing his choice of clothes and friends and make life suffocative for him or will I be the ‘understanding Mom’ sharing my excitement and dreams. Will I force my likes and dislikes on him, or will I be ready to accept and respect his independence?

I’m looking forward for those challenges and changes. I find motherhood a work of courage. In spite of all the anxiety, challenges and hardships involved, I feel I’m living my best life.

I dream to live as a mother and a father to my child and be like my parents.