Posts Tagged ‘positive’

A big congratulations to my dear blogging friend Joe Hart . He has a double celebration going on. A one year anniversary for his blog and an amazing 200,000 hits. Joe Hart through his writings is such an inspiration. If you haven’t visited his site, you really are missing out.

I have been asking myself, do funerals have to be sad, or at least sad to the extent we often see. I know there will always be an element of sadness with the passing, the loss of a loved one. That is understandable and perfectly normal. I do sometimes wonder though, we as a society are so much affected by the expectations of fitting into the norm. What is the norm for a funeral. It seems great sadness, shows of grief and such. I am not a doctor or a man of the clergy and as such can speak with no authority and am only expressing my own personal thoughts and preferences. I am very sure open displays of grief as we see are very therapeutic for many and help in the healing process. If it is a helpful tool for those left behind, excellent I am all for it. I certainly mean no disrespect to those grieving. Grief is a very individual thing and whatever form works best for you, it the way to go. When there is a loss of a loved one there will always be sadness and grief, I know that.

Still for myself and within myself I have to wonder, is it the only way to get closure? I don’t know.

I have long had the thought in my head. “mourn not what you have lost but instead celebrate what you have had”. I do think this is an excellent philosophy to apply to all things in our life. Good advice, easily said but so difficult to put into practice when it deals with the loss of a loved one. This is a thought though that did help me tremendously at the time of the passing of my loved ones. This is not to say, I wasn’t sad or grieving, it is just that it did help me.

I suppose largely, it will depend on your individual view of death and what follows. At the time I had absolutely no doubt in my mind she was going to a much better place. I still do not question that thought at all. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss them. I can’t help but be happy for them (sad for me) knowing they has indeed gone to such a wonderful place and that when the time is right I will be with them again. Again, words so easy to say, but so difficult to appreciate when in the midst of grief.

Largely, I am not fearful of what lies ahead for me, a little nervous maybe but not fearful. My dread and fear comes in when I think of the loved ones I am leaving behind. I so desperately want them to all have good happy lives. I never want them to ever have any pain or grief in their lives. OK, I know that is an unrealistic hope as some pain and grief will come to all. I can only hope I am not the cause of any of it. Yet it is inevitable when I pass there will be grief and sorrow.

I am certain in some way, in some spiritual form I will be able to attend or look down on my own funeral.

What would I personally prefer to see. My family and friends all gathered in great sadness, in obvious pain or a reasonably happy group gathered to reminisce about our happy times together. Celebrating and I hope appreciating our time together. Laughing telling jokes even if they are at my expense, I certainly know I have given every one enough to be able to come up with some sort of a joke about my often silly ways. Celebrate what we had, instead of mourning what is lost. The loss is only temporary.

I am not sure how this transition from the physical to spiritual works, but I can’t help but think I may be aided on my way knowing, my life gave reason for a celebration.

Maybe, this is a final act of selfishness on my part, I don’t know.

I ask for comments. Can we turn a funeral into a celebration of life? Would doing that take away from the healing process of the families?

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Had a real lazy day yesterday, just lounged around and really did nothing. Hey that is not far off my normal day.

I wonder how much time most people spend thinking about funerals. Very little, if even any I would imagine. Sadly, at a few times in our lives we attend one, when a loved one passes over. As it rightfully should be, most of our thoughts are with our grieving and sorrow. Paying our respects and saying final good byes. I have luckily had to attend very few funerals in my life time, but have on occasion viewed them as events that must be endure, and I just want them over with. Grief is such an individual thing, for me, at first I just want to be left alone. Let me think on this, digest this new development and then I will be ready to talk.

I have heard it so many times funerals are the living and not actually for the deceased loved one. I absolutely agree with this and have said many times it is so much harder on the loved ones left behind. I am all for anything that will help those left behind. The funeral may be a good place to let emotions out, to find some degree of closure. I don’t know how all that psychological stuff works, but whatever it takes is a good thing.

There is an issue I have been wrestling with in my mind of late. I know this is my human mind, my physical mind grappling with issues beyond my understanding, while at this physical level. I just can’t fully understand or appreciate the beauty and purity of the love contained within the spiritual world.

Example, I don’t know how it all works but I believe after you have passed over, you are still able to look back here into this physical world and even be here in a spiritual form to comfort loved ones. In a spiritual form you could attend your own funeral or at least watch from above.

I know when in spirit form we will be of pure love and goodness, absolutely no negativity. My human mind just can’t grasp that concept. I know this in not correct but in my mind I keep thinking even while in Heaven, if you looked down say at your own funeral and suppose not one came. Wouldn’t you be just a little disappointed, now I know this is wrong even as I say it. Just one of my human thoughts and weaknesses.

I wonder about my own funeral, when that time comes. Over my career, I have moved many times from location to location and have made friends everywhere I went. But all seemed to be short term friendships, I seemed to move on to a new group of friends with each move. When my time comes it will be interesting to see who attends.

Yesterday was an OK day, not one of my best but not one of what I call my bad days. Evening was wonderful, friends stopped by for a visit. They spent the night and left this morning. They had to be up early and left so quietly, not wanting to disturb our sleep, I didn’t even hear them.

I suppose it is natural that as I spend more time just thinking and reflecting back on my life and even on the world in general, different types of thoughts pop into my head. I suppose that shows my thinking process has changed or something. Even the mere fact that I will just sit and think back, is different from what it has been at times in the past. At different periods of my life there were times when I purposely kept myself so busy that I wouldn’t have time to think about my life. I suppose that showed a lack of internal strength on my part. To me, my life was in chaos and I almost seemed to be frozen in time not knowing what to do or where to turn. I too often took the easy way by not even allowing myself to think of my life at the time. Don’t think, avoid the pain.

I look back today; with I suppose is my “new mindset” and see each of those situations differently. Today, is all the hurt and pain gone? No, and maybe never will be. I can look back now and learn more from those mistakes or events, than sadly I did at the time. I now see each was just one small dot on the overall picture of my life. Each individual dot has brought me to be the person I am today. I am content with that; I am content and happy with my life today. Who is to know, maybe if even one small thing had happened differently in my past, my life, my thinking today could be different.

I even feel kind of silly, thinking of how every day I prayed asking for God will to be done in my life. Yet I fought so hard or felt so hurt when my will didn’t prevail.

I look around me and see so many people getting upset over what really are inconsequential little things. Sometimes it is almost like I would like to go and just give them a good shake, and say. Stop and think, think of the precious moments in life you are wasting being upset. We have to few of these moments and there will come a day when you regret those moments wasted. But, I look back and realize if someone would have said that to me a couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have listened. I would have been too busy dealing with the issues of the moment. To busy, to wrapped up in one small dot in the overall picture.

I was out sitting on the front step a few minutes ago and a thought hit me. I have come straight to the computer to write it now or with my memory it would very well be gone shortly.

This sounds very deep and philosophical, but what is life?

Very simply it is the time we spend here on this earth between birth or conception and when we die. Simply that, it is the time we spend here. That is a simple fact that applies to every single person with no exceptions.

Ah, but there are exceptions in how we choose to spend that time. We can squander and waste it or we can live it. Circumstances, position, finances have nothing to do with living life. All of those things just set the stage or the setting in which we can choose to live our lives or we can choose to waste them away. I know what I am trying to say but am not sure if I am using the wording to really describe it. I have often heard it said time is our most valuable asset or commodity. It is only of late that I have been able to really appreciate that fact.

Here is an official “Miq” statistic. OK, what is a “Miq” statistic? Oh, it is extremely scientifically reached. I mull a thought around in my head for 15 or 20 seconds come up with something that sounds about right to me, and there you have it a “Miq” statistic. Now according to “Miq” an estimated 2/3 to 3/4 of the population is not really living life. Oh, for sure, their bodies a physically alive and they get up and fight their way through each day and show every appearance of being physically alive. Physically alive they are. There is a fine point here that is difficult to grasp and it is only of late that I have actually been able to really see it. It takes more than being physically alive to live life. So many just plod along each day struggling to make it through that day that their lives just become a series of one crappy day after another.

I know that for myself, I so often became so entrenched in the events of the moment that I lost sight of the big picture. How do we stop doing that? Really our lives are often seen as what we are living at any given moment. There are all the sayings like, yesterday is but a memory, tomorrow but a dream, all we have is the present. A great saying, great advise. But, what do you do if your present life sucks. What do you do?

You continue to live it; you sometimes just blindly plough ahead. You live it the best way you can getting enjoyment where you can, all the while knowing this will change. That is one of the constants in life, nothing remains the same, and everything over time will change. It is almost like having a big elephant standing in the middle of a big room. The elephant dominates the room becomes like the main focal point of the room. If you are standing in a small room with a huge elephant in it how are you going to be able to see anything else? By taking the time, making the effort to look around and see the other wonders and beautiful things in the room (our lives). There is no denying the fact the elephant is there and must be dealt with. Even with it there it does not change the other beauty contained in the room it if anything, just over shadows it in our minds.

We fill our lives with expectations, which is a hope or desire we carry within us. I know this is very easy to say and so very hard to do. We don’t have to allow external issues affect our internal feelings often because our own life expectations weren’t met.

I really seem to have gotten on a roll here and was going to give examples from my own life to try and explain what I am talking about. It seems I have tired myself right out and need my nap. Have to see some people this evening

Good Day 😀

In addition to the comments left here on the blog, I get many many emails from personal friends, blogging friends and even from family members of blogging friends. I feel honored that many share with me intimate and very personal details of their lives as they struggle with various issues (learning experiences).

I do feel honored that they do feel that level of comfort and trust in me that I will never betray the confidentiality of their messages. Which, I will never do.

It really reinforces to me the idea that “EVERYONE is fighting their own battles in life”. No one is continually living the perfect life. At the same time no one is continually living a terrible life, although it can most certainly seem like it at times. Those were the two keys, in what I am trying to say: “AT TIMES”.

I read a quote somewhere that went something like: “No one ever said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.” I am not sure if that is the exact wording but it was something like that and its true IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

I think of life as a journey. A journey on the highway of life. No matter which highway you travel on, you will never find one that goes on endlessly with no bumps in the road, potholes and even detours. Everyone is on their own journey and will face their own bumps and detours in their highways. We have to accept that for ourselves and for all others. Everyone is fighting their own battles. It would be nice if life provided us with a road map so we could know when a bump or detour in the highway is coming. None of us have that and must accept there will be bumps ahead. No, when I think of it, I don’t think such a map would be a good idea. If we had one we would be so focused on the upcoming bump we would forget to enjoy the smooth highway we are currently on. I thing we already tend to do to much of that, worrying about tomorrow to the point we rob our selves of the pleasure of today.
Anyone and everyone can look back over their lives and remember past situations. Past situations that while in the midst of them, we felt despair and even very discouraged. Remember the feelings back then and that somehow you got through it and eventually hit another smooth stretch on the highway of life. How did we get through it, likely don’t even know, just plodded along until we got there. The thing is we got there. I needed to really look at my past to exactly what I am talking about here.

God recognizes us all as being human; He doesn’t expect perfection from any of us only that we keep trying. Just keep trying, plugging away as best we can and we get through it often to our own surprise and at times in spite of ourselves. The how doesn’t even really matter as much as the plain fact that we do get through. Hopefully we learn from that experience and again for a while travel on, on a smooth stretch on the highway of life.

My prayers go to all that are struggling

This may sound strange but the past few days I have been thinking about my thinking, where do some of my thoughts come from. Now I am not talking about here on the blog, I believe I know that. I am talking in just every day, day to day stuff.

At times I wonder about the brain not functioning. It is there, about the size of a large walnut. It’s located on the right frontal side. This is I am told the part of the brain that we use for things like judgment, control of impulsive actions, actually quite a few things that sort of determine the person I am. Our brain is naturally contained within the confines of our skull. Being confined as such, there is no natural room for swelling or for such a thing as a tumor.

I am what I consider to be a deep thinker and not prone to acting impulsively but I have notice that now arising and will just have to be more aware.

Just realized something, if I write something stupid or ridiculous, I can just blame it on the non-functioning of the brain. lol

First off, I believe in equality in every aspect, no exceptions. OK, that is a given. But, my mind is wandering along the lines, is there or should there at least be one additional expectation of men. Maybe some of this stems from something I can remember my mother saying when I was young. You know how something’s just sort of stand out or stick in your mind, well this is one of those for me.

“Always be a man. A real man is a gentleman. A gentleman always shows due respect to others. Under no circumstances would a gentleman ever hit a woman or anyone smaller than himself. He will always stand up to protect and defend his loved ones, himself and anyone in need.”

There may have been more, that I don’t remember. I like to consider myself a gentleman. Have there been times in my life where I know I have fallen short of that definition, sadly yes. But, it is something I have tried to generally live my life by.

I know there is an equally good argument about the ladies standing up and maybe one day I will post my thoughts on that. But, today I am just talking about the men and specifically in the home, thoughts on other areas of life will likely follow.

I just can’t fathom how any male that sees himself as really being a man, “the man of the house” could use his possible greater size and strength to do anything but protect your loved ones. There is no circumstance, situation or event, as angry as you may be, that could justify violence against women and children. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS, NONE. It is time for all real men to stand up and be counted, show yourself as being a man. If anyone realizes in their hearts, changes could be make. How about starting that change today, right now.

As men, we do often possess a larger physical stature and even greater physical strength. Let’s use that in the way it was meant to be used.

I guarantee, I will never strike a woman or child.

I guarantee, I will never use my size to bully anyone, ever.

I guarantee, if we hear a noise in the middle of the night. I will be the one checking it out, baseball bat in hand.

I guarantee, if anyone says or does anything, I ever perceive as being done to intentionally hurt my loved ones. I will be in your face, immediately.

It is almost strange reading that last point. I know it to be true. The strange part is I am a very easy going relaxed kind of guy. Very little upsets or bothers me, say or do something to me and I will very likely just laugh it off. Do the very same thing to my family, different story all together.

A direct question to every male reading this. Are you a gentleman, a real man or merely an over sized jerk pretending to be a man? Give it some thought before you automatically reply.

So final post for this file “Belief”,

I invite all to join together with me. A group of friends doing our part to make the lives of others better. With every act of kindness, we do in fact make the world a little bit better. We do this simply because we can, because we care about others, all others people all people, we care about the world.

I once heard what I consider to be a very good definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing, in the same way over and over again and still being upset or disappointed when the results come out unchanged.” This applies to our very lives, if we day after day continue to do the same thing, in the same way, how can we expect there to be any change. Change of any sort must begin from within, within each and everyone of us. As people change, so will the world.

I invite and encourage all to join my very non-exclusive group of friends. All are welcome, no restrictions of any kind. I have read in many places that people become more committed to something if they have signed a document of commitment. So in that regard I have set up this new page title “Spirit within me”. The word “me” should be read as applying to each individual and definitely not me, as in Miqdad. It represents the spirit contained with each of you. I hope people will sign up and take membership in the group as a serious commitment.

OK, what is the group about. It is just a group of friends joining together to try in any small way to bring about changes within themselves, writing and sharing blogs, within the lives of others and ultimately to the world.

Is there a cost to belong to this group? YES, but not a monetary cost. The cost is something much more precious than mere money. The cost is spending some of your precious time. How much time? Five minutes a week. I don’t care how busy anyone’s life is, there is no one that can honestly say they couldn’t squeeze in 5 minutes a week. How is that 5 minutes of precious time to be spent? Actively looking for and performing an extra act of kindness. It is to be preformed for another, to whom doesn’t matter, the size of the act doesn’t matter. What matters is that we all take the time, even just 5 minutes a week to look for a way to perform an act of kindness.

Second, requirement. If any thanks is offered we decline to accept it. Instead state only that the only thanks you require or request is that this person, repay you by passing on another act of kindness be passed on to yet another. Think of the ripples we are creating.

Benefits, unlimited, gained from the peace and love to be contained within our hearts. That warm fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing I did something good, not because I had to but simply because I wanted to.

A Unique group, built for a cause 🙂

As I wrote that a thought just came to me. I am a lucky man. Here I am complaining about addictive issues. I think poor me; here I have been fighting this “addictive blow” for over nine years now. I realize I am letting it drag me down a little. I get feed up with the constant huffing, puffing and wheezing. It seems to almost clear up but then suddenly comes back with a vengeance, each time seemingly worst than the last. OK, yes it is getting worse. But, I think in my own mind I am maybe letting it get to me a little more and through that feeling it even more.

I need to give my head a shake and really see things in proper prospective. I am a lucky man. There is no doubt about that. There are so many that have it so very much worse off than do I.

OK, talking to myself: “You are focusing on only one small part of the big picture of your life. Look at the big picture of your life as it is even just today. Yeah, this breathing is frustrating and annoying but really it is a pretty small part of the overall picture. You are still breathing be grateful for that. Fine you can’t walk up a flight of stairs or take a shower without huffing and puffing. Put a positive spin on it, that also means you can’t go out and shovel snow when it is -40 or you’re in the arctic circle, now you have to like that. You are lucky compared to so many, think of those that have been in pain, agony for the past year suffering so much. Here you are feeling sorry for yourself for a little shortness of breath. Shame on you.”

Well I have been sitting here thinking about things for the past 10 or 15 minutes. Actually, that talking to that I gave myself seems to have helped. I am a very blessed and a very lucky man.

I can breathe that in itself is a huge blessing. I have to wonder how many people have ever stopped to think of that simple fact as being a blessing. How many things are there in our lives that we just automatically take for granted just because it is (or they) are there.

Why is it that perceived negativity can dominate our thoughts so easily? What do I mean by that? We can be traveling down the highway of life on a smooth section, life is good. At times like this do we really stop and think, realize at that time the blessings we have in our lives. The things the people we have in our lives that are making this stretch of the highway so smooth. Or, do we just sail along.

Now by contrast, if we hit a little pothole or bump on the highway of life, does that pothole, problem, issue, opportunity to grow, suddenly get our undivided attention. Suddenly forgotten are all the blessings that make our lives so content just yesterday. They are still there, but seem to be immediately forgotten with all of our attention instead going to the perceived issue we are facing. Suddenly our entire life can seem to be wrapped up in that one issue, the issue of the moment.

Almost always the issue of the moment proves to be just a small bump on the highway. But, when we hit it we allow it to take on monumental proportion in our minds. I ask you, why is it we seem to so easily let the smallest perceived negative issue to suddenly outweigh a world or positives and blessings.

What benefit comes from feeling Hate? I posed the question to another individual today and his response was that Hate gives you focus. The few times I have experienced an intense hatred for something or someone I recall that focus. Everything faded about me and all that mattered was the object of my hate. The focus was like a razor and the urge to tear down and destroy the focus of my Hate pushed me to action. This was not a benefit. Much like a horse wearing blinders on its bridle I was blinded to any outside facts. I could not see how my actions might affect others or even my own life if I completed them. Shielded from truths and extenuating circumstances, I was able to hold onto my Hate by keeping focus on my own feelings. This self centered dwelling was a selfish action and brought me no real benefit. In the end, the one time I gave into action, I was left with regrets and knowledge of things I wish I had known before hand. Knowledge that I could have easily obtained if I hadn’t allowed Hate to keep my focus so one sided.

Further discussing this we, the individual and I came to the conclusion that Hate allows you to feel self righteous. You cannot hate something or someone and not feel better than your hated target. “Hate” for someone you feel is better or more privileged than you is not actual hate, but instead is envy or jealousy. “Hate” of self is a sensitive subject. I could be swayed into believing such an emotion is possible, however my companion at the time was firm in saying you cannot hate yourself, at least not in the sense that we were speaking of Hate. You can hate your perception of yourself, believing yourself capable of better, which is a form of self righteous behavior. If you feel a “hate” towards yourself but do not believe you can better your inner being or situation, you are in envy of what could have been or should have been, thus bringing us back from hate into jealousy.

Self righteous behavior is belief in being moralistically superior then something or someone else. It gives a false impression of happiness, because it is not sustainable. We all eventually fall off our high horses through mistakes that we make in our lives. This causes us to doubt our supremacy and brings about negative emotions which a self righteous person is required to deflect much like arrows being fired towards a shield. Thus, I have come to the conclusion that hatred’s self righteousness is a fleeting emotion with little to no real benefit on the psych of the individual.

Ironically, those of us who experience hate often do so with some resemblance of silence. Inanimate objects or organizations beyond our reach never gain a sense of our emotions. Individuals who we might hate rarely know the extent of our feelings and even if they do rarely feel anything more than a passing sense of dismay or amusement. Hate is not a weapon against an enemy you behold; it does not have the power to destroy it, him, her or them on its own.

Hate can have a lasting impact on an individual who feels it. It has been liken to a poison that slowly kills the body. Feelings of intense hate (Hate is an intense emotion, anything less is anger or possibly rage.) can cause a being to feel physical sensations. Illness in the stomach, a weakness in your limbs, dizzy or lack of coordination, fuzzy or temporary lost of sight. These sensations can be linked to several physical responses within the body which change how your heart, liver, stomach, spleen and hormones respond. Hate is part of the flight or flight instinct within us, and can be used to defend ourselves from danger. It’s not designed for a prolong response. Hatred can result in damage to your heart, problems with blood pressure, or physical damage to the stomach resulting in conditions such as ulcers.

Tragically, Hate can kill you. In hating someone or something, you are doing damage to your mental and physical state. Next time you feel that sensation sweep you up and bubble to the surface consider your feelings. In an action of compartmentalization, step back from the feeling and examine it. Separate yourself from the hate and break it down into pieces which you can examine. Decide which parts will impact you long term and look for solutions to solve or endure.  The immediate sensations of hurt, fear or frustration discard as temporary side effects of your situation. Start to slow down the poison that’s spreading within your own body and gain a healthy and happier state of mind

I have commented many times on how I appreciate all comments and of how I read and reread them all. I have thought different times of inviting people to just ask me any questions they may have of me. This thought was brought to mind again yesterday with a comment I received from “just ordinary”. I am receptive to any questions and would do my best to answer based on my own thoughts and experiences. I am not a doctor and would be reluctant to go into the medical area beyond my own symptoms. If anyone has questions please feel free to ask away.

This brings me back to the question asked by just ordinary. Have I always believed in God? Simple answer is yes, always. I have never had a great awakening or anything like that; I can only imagine it was my parent’s thoughts and teachings that gave me this belief. I must have been very very young as I can’t actually remember any time in which they spoke of it and keep reminding me of it. It is just a strong belief I have always carried with me. I am not what you consider to be a religious man and rarely went to mosque except for weddings and funerals, this is nothing to be proud of but still I regret.
I am embarrassed to admit but even with the knowledge of our Father my side for the majority of my life, I did things my way. I knew what best for me. As I think now and looking back I realize there was a point where maybe I had an awakening or a realization, I am not sure how to word it. This was back before my serious health problems had actually begun. I was in the midst of a major life crisis. I was going through what for me was a very painful phase. I was depressed, felt lost, realizing my life wasn’t going at all the way I had envisioned or planned. I came to the realization that doing things “my way” wasn’t giving me the life I wanted so desperately. Slowly I turned to my faith and started putting my beliefs into practice instead of just having them tucked away somewhere in the back of my mind.

Reality came as a bit of a shock to me. I actually had thought I was “a good practicing Muslim but I wasn’t”. I mean I then was going to Mosque regularly, I prayed. I mean what more could I do. I suppose maybe I was taking it for granted. I knew God was there and he would take care of me. When I prayed I realized I was just mumbling a bunch of words out of habit or out of the feeling that is what I should do, with no real thought of meaning to them. The day these problems ended I was all the same again.

I found as I slowly truly turned to my faith instead of just paying lip service to it, my life began to change. I always believed God was with me and he was. Always there willing and waiting to help. I just had to turn to him and be willing to accept that help. The more I turned to my faith the more my life began to change. Now, I just think, man, would my life have been so much easier so much better if I had just done that 10 years earlier.

I suppose it could be said I moved the beliefs I have always had, from just in my head, to being in my heart. As my faith has declined, I can’t describe the embarrassment that it has brought me.