Posts Tagged ‘subtle’

Maybe, I am not your stereo typical guy, in that I am not a huge sports fan. I just don’t have any desire to spend hours glued to the TV watching football, baseball, basketball or even hockey. But every 4 years that changes when the Olympics roll around. I am suddenly irresistibly drawn to the TV to watch any and all the events that I can. I am in total awe of each and every athlete as they show their athletic abilities in their various events. I marvel at the dedication, the determination and the work that each and every one has put in to get them to the point where they are now. The thousands of hours of work and training they have put in to prepare for this time. I admire and respect every one of them irregardless of the country they come from.

I AM A PAKISTANI and very proud of that fact. I am proud of my country and I suppose there for it is natural that I do cheer for PAKISTANI athletes.

Now I am not really sure if it is because I do seem to see things slightly differently on a lot of occasions since my mental abilities have enhanced or what. But, last year, it seems I am viewing the Olympics with a different mindset.

I admit there is still a large part of me that wants the Pakistani athlete to win. But, more and more I am coming to realize, I really don’t care which country the winning athletes are from. When watching the events on TV, they usually show a quick flash of the athlete, who usually wave to the camera. During this brief introduction it is mentioned which country the particular athlete is representing, fair enough as each is there proudly representing their own country. I realized my attention was drawn more to the country being represented than the individual participant. Think about it, how wrong that is.

I have always liked watching the Olympics and I am sort of embarrassed to admit but back in my younger days, I often found myself cheering AGAINST particular athletes simply because of the country they represented. Had nothing to do with the individual competing, it was just I didn’t want THAT country to get any glory. How wrong is that? I lost sight of the fact it was an individual competing and not a country. In my mind I suppose I was penalizing the individual because of the country they represented. How wrong is that?

Now, I see the athlete, the individual. I both marvel at and admire the strength and determination they have to have worked so very hard. The years of training and very hard work it has taken to get them to this point. I see an individual that has put so much effort into making their dream come true. The dream of competing in the Olympics. Is that dream any less real to any of the participants, irregardless of anything? I don’t think so.

Last night I was watching the men’s diving off the high board. I found myself cheering for each individual diver as his turn came. I was hoping each diver would each hit that perfect dive and score 10′s. I saw individuals living their dream and I was cheering for them all.

Yes, I am a citizen of Pakistan and very proud of that. I have realized I am more than that, I am a citizen of this world and also very proud of that. I see the feats individual athletes can accomplish and it makes me proud to be a citizen of this world. Never again will I allow the country of origin to blur my vision of the individual. Maybe if we all tried to carry this thought, here at the Olympics yes but also in our daily lives. Could we even try to carry it over to people of a different faith or religion, I don’t see why not.

I am only human so I still do have my individual biases. There is still a group of athletes that I do cheer AGAINST. No countries athletes are exempt from being placed on my no cheer list. I hate arrogance. If I see any individual showing what I feel is arrogance in say a semi final, that individual will be on my no cheer list for the final. This is something that has just to do with the individual and nothing to do with countries of origin.

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I thought I would give this abuse stuff a bit of a break. But there is a story I came upon on another blog. I read it and was so touched by it. I should have put the site on my blog roll or bookmarked it or something so I could go back and read it again. It just sort of keeps coming back to me again and again. It gave me a bit more of an insight into why possibly some suffers of abuse don’t seek help or at least take it when offered. I don’t know just my thoughts.

A part of it was about misdirected negative feelings. It spoke of long term abuse suffers being so beaten down, so defeated, they had no energy left to fight or really try any more. It goes back to the trained helplessness and hopelessness. I wish I had copied it to post it here, it states so much better the conditions of these situations than I can.

It spoke of women but I know it would equally apply to men. People who after 30 or 40 years of abuse are just left feeling empty and defeated. No energy to face anymore challenges, barely enough energy to just get through the day. They are so beaten down they are vulnerable to any and all that should wish to use or take advantage of them. They may have escaped from the abusive partner only to have that role taken over by other family members. Here I am talking brothers, sisters and even children to parents. There is no end of people willing to take advantage is given the opportunity, friend, neighbors, coworkers that list would be endless. Wittingly or unwittingly many seem to sense when someone is vulnerable and can be taken advantage of. I am sure this taking advantage of, using, controlling or abusing starts off with something small. But, it almost seems like human nature, if you get away with something small the tendency is continue pushing the envelope just to see how far you can take it. I am sure so often it is even at a subconscious level. The situation gradually evolves, expands and grows until it reaches the point total control is established over the other. I am sure even at that point many do not even realize what they are doing. Things have evolved and changed so slowly that it is not even realized that we have taken control of or are dominating the life of another. We don’t even realize or appreciate what is being done. It reaches the point where it becomes an expectation. “She will do what I want or I will be very mad and will make her life so miserable she will eventually cave in and I will get my way, as it should have been.”

Our abuse victim is pushed even further down. I have read our own children can be the worst at doing this. Our abuse victim just gives up. Her self esteem and self confidence so beat and taken away, she has no confidence in her own decisions. It is just easier to let anyone, even my kids decide what I should be doing, their decisions are likely better than mine anyway, and I just don’t have the energy to fight them, so be it.

I was surprised to read of a quite a number of women actually seeing and recognizing a loving, healthy hand being extended to help them. Of them feeling it was the right thing, the healthy thing to do but of them refusing the offered hand. Possibly maybe because of lack of trust in her own ability to make the right decision but mostly because of the objections of her own family. I am not sure if their objections were based on their own fear of change, I certainly hope not to just exert their control, this I just can’t believe.

I read of women giving up on what they knew would be a real chance of happiness in a healthy relationship because it was too much bother. Their families were comfortable the way things were and didn’t want change and fought it. In each case she just gave in not having the energy to fight for anything, not even her own health, happiness and well being.

I read of the stories of 3 women that had managed to find a new love. A love with a good loving and respectful man. In each case family pressure was so great; it became so stressful each ended the relationship. One guy ran for the hills never to be seen again. The other 2 had too much love to just give up that easily, they persisted in trying to wooing the lady they loved. Neither realized what they were really up against. Each attempted contact caused such uproar in the home, more and more stress for the lady. So much stress she began to dread the thought of him calling, knowing the stress and tension in the home that it would cause. In each woman apparently the feelings of love remained intact, but she began to resent the man for calling or trying to contact her because of the family stress it would cause her.

This is what I call the misdirected negative feelings. Here we had 3 women that had loving hands extended to them. Three women that had a chance at a healthy happy life but gave it up. Not only that but their negative feelings were directed at the loving man, the health support and not at those holding her back, controlling her life. I don’t get it!!!!!!!!

I have often encouraged people to shed negative draining relationships from your life and surround yourself with healthy, supportive and nurturing relationships. I just ask before you shed a relationship, please be sure you are sure where the negativity is coming from and be sure you shed the correct relationship. In the case if the relationship that needs to be sheded is with family, remember that doesn’t necessarily have to mean ending or cutting the ties, just the relationship as it is. End it as it is and reform it into a new and healthy one.

Yesterday, was not a good day felt tired most of the day and today is starting off the same. I keep thinking maybe, instead of fighting the tiredness, I should just throw up when the feeling comes. May be it is nature or something, I don’t know, but I fight the urge until the end. When, I am feeling that way, controlling the tiredness is the only thought in my head. I need sleep. Ah,well when a day starts off like this you know all it can do is get better, always have that to look forward to.

My administrator’s site, here on the blog, allows me to see the wording people put into their search engines to find my journal. Most often are inquiries into how to talk to the dying or on what it feels like to know you are dying.

How does it feel to know you are dying? That is a difficult question, because the answer can be different from day to day or even from hour to hour. The feeling, range from denial, to fear, to guilt, to anger, to sadness and to acceptance. It is the same, I suppose, as any grieving process. You can’t work your way through one set of feelings and neatly move on to the next.

It is almost like being at the beach, standing in the water on a windy day. A wave comes at you and almost knocks you off your feet. You struggle and regain your balance, just in time for the next wave to hit. Over time, the strength of the waves subsides and you think your footing is a little more secure. Suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere another large wave hits and you almost lose your balance again.

I suppose that pretty much describes the grieving process for anything. You can be hit by wave after wave of denial or anger, whatever, each wave trying to knock you down. The emotional waves don’t hit in any particular order or strength. Gradually, these waves do lessen in strength or intensity and you come to the peacefulness of acceptance. You are still not out of the water, and at anytime a wave can suddenly come back and hit.

Over time these emotional waves become less frequent and less severe. For me acceptance came almost as a relief. Knowing, I would not have to deal with the roller coaster ride of emotions, the ups and downs. Am I totally free of these feelings, no. I don’t really know, if I ever will be totally free. As long as you are alive, how can you be totally free of your feelings? Accepting them is one, thing being free of them is another? The waves have just been downsized and more easily manageable.

Maybe, I am still in an element of denial. I know what people say (2012 impending). I just don’t think it is going to happen any time soon. Is that denial or just the human spirit pushing us on? I don’t know. With acceptance does that mean I have given up? No. Does that mean I have lost the will to live? NO. All it means is I am ready to go when God calls me, but not one minute before that. I do not fear death; I just want to delay it as long as possible.

Hey, I am a greedy guy, enough is never enough with me, I still want more.

Prior to the day, I am asking everyone to perform a random act of kindness. I know everyone performs countless acts of kindness on a daily basis in spite of our hectic lives. Most such acts we just sort of stumble upon, perform and carry on without a second thought. This is wonderful.

What I am asking is for everyone to specifically look for and then perform just one more. For whom the act is performed doesn’t matter, the size of or even what the act is doesn’t matter, tha amount of time it may take doesn’t matter.

What matters most to me is that we carry in us an awareness of looking for opportunities to help another. Speaking for myself, I know I spent most of my life very self absorbed, so busy trying to get through my own day that I so often failed to even notice those around me. There is a wonderful world out there. We just need to see past our own little worlds to see this wonderful world around us. Contained within the hearts of people all around the world is so much love, so much kindness, it is beyond anything we could measure. The love the kindness is there we just have to find a way to put it to use. Love and kindness are like renewable resources, the amount available is unending, we just need to put it to use.

At the top of this page is a row of titles, each of these representing a different page I have set up to accompany this, the main blog. Please click on the one titled “A Post to Conclude (File:Belief)”.  Here I ask people to put 5 minutes a week into their busy schedules. Now I don’t care how busy your life is if you honestly feel you can’t fit in 5 minutes a week you are fooling yourself.

Why am I asking for these acts of kindness? There are 2 reasons. The first is obvious. You have lightened the load, brightened the day of the one you have helped. To me, just as importantly or even more importantly you have helped yourself.

How have you helped yourself? The acts of kindness I am asking for are ones that come from the heart. No reward or recognition is expected or wanted and will even be declined if offered. We leave that situation with such a warm glow in our hearts. We leave it knowing, I just did something, not because I had to, not because it was expected of me. I did it just because I was there and I wanted to, I am a good person. This warm glow in your heart is the nicest feeling you can have. It actually grows and increases with each successive act. I grow inside as a person as I come to realize I am a good person. Please give it a try.

Here we are I finally get to my last request.

While you are here visting, please leave me a short comment telling me what your act of kindness was. It will not be seen as you seeking recognition for your act. I will instead be seen as a further act of kindness. A further act of kindness first to the whole world. Reading of what you did may spark and idea in someone else causing them to do the same thing or something similar. It may also lift the spirits of many causing them to realize, kindness is real, and it does exist in this world. This world of ours is not just the doom and gloom we are generally bombarded with in the news. Good people are out there and I want to be one of them. I want to do my bit to make this world a kinder and better place.

Lastly, I ask that you leave me these comments for myself I realize it is selfish of me to ask for something for myself. I would consider reading these comments as an act of kindness. Just to let me know I am doing some good with all of this.

Have a Good Day