Posts Tagged ‘thought’

Maybe, I am not your stereo typical guy, in that I am not a huge sports fan. I just don’t have any desire to spend hours glued to the TV watching football, baseball, basketball or even hockey. But every 4 years that changes when the Olympics roll around. I am suddenly irresistibly drawn to the TV to watch any and all the events that I can. I am in total awe of each and every athlete as they show their athletic abilities in their various events. I marvel at the dedication, the determination and the work that each and every one has put in to get them to the point where they are now. The thousands of hours of work and training they have put in to prepare for this time. I admire and respect every one of them irregardless of the country they come from.

I AM A PAKISTANI and very proud of that fact. I am proud of my country and I suppose there for it is natural that I do cheer for PAKISTANI athletes.

Now I am not really sure if it is because I do seem to see things slightly differently on a lot of occasions since my mental abilities have enhanced or what. But, last year, it seems I am viewing the Olympics with a different mindset.

I admit there is still a large part of me that wants the Pakistani athlete to win. But, more and more I am coming to realize, I really don’t care which country the winning athletes are from. When watching the events on TV, they usually show a quick flash of the athlete, who usually wave to the camera. During this brief introduction it is mentioned which country the particular athlete is representing, fair enough as each is there proudly representing their own country. I realized my attention was drawn more to the country being represented than the individual participant. Think about it, how wrong that is.

I have always liked watching the Olympics and I am sort of embarrassed to admit but back in my younger days, I often found myself cheering AGAINST particular athletes simply because of the country they represented. Had nothing to do with the individual competing, it was just I didn’t want THAT country to get any glory. How wrong is that? I lost sight of the fact it was an individual competing and not a country. In my mind I suppose I was penalizing the individual because of the country they represented. How wrong is that?

Now, I see the athlete, the individual. I both marvel at and admire the strength and determination they have to have worked so very hard. The years of training and very hard work it has taken to get them to this point. I see an individual that has put so much effort into making their dream come true. The dream of competing in the Olympics. Is that dream any less real to any of the participants, irregardless of anything? I don’t think so.

Last night I was watching the men’s diving off the high board. I found myself cheering for each individual diver as his turn came. I was hoping each diver would each hit that perfect dive and score 10′s. I saw individuals living their dream and I was cheering for them all.

Yes, I am a citizen of Pakistan and very proud of that. I have realized I am more than that, I am a citizen of this world and also very proud of that. I see the feats individual athletes can accomplish and it makes me proud to be a citizen of this world. Never again will I allow the country of origin to blur my vision of the individual. Maybe if we all tried to carry this thought, here at the Olympics yes but also in our daily lives. Could we even try to carry it over to people of a different faith or religion, I don’t see why not.

I am only human so I still do have my individual biases. There is still a group of athletes that I do cheer AGAINST. No countries athletes are exempt from being placed on my no cheer list. I hate arrogance. If I see any individual showing what I feel is arrogance in say a semi final, that individual will be on my no cheer list for the final. This is something that has just to do with the individual and nothing to do with countries of origin.

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I thought I would give this abuse stuff a bit of a break. But there is a story I came upon on another blog. I read it and was so touched by it. I should have put the site on my blog roll or bookmarked it or something so I could go back and read it again. It just sort of keeps coming back to me again and again. It gave me a bit more of an insight into why possibly some suffers of abuse don’t seek help or at least take it when offered. I don’t know just my thoughts.

A part of it was about misdirected negative feelings. It spoke of long term abuse suffers being so beaten down, so defeated, they had no energy left to fight or really try any more. It goes back to the trained helplessness and hopelessness. I wish I had copied it to post it here, it states so much better the conditions of these situations than I can.

It spoke of women but I know it would equally apply to men. People who after 30 or 40 years of abuse are just left feeling empty and defeated. No energy to face anymore challenges, barely enough energy to just get through the day. They are so beaten down they are vulnerable to any and all that should wish to use or take advantage of them. They may have escaped from the abusive partner only to have that role taken over by other family members. Here I am talking brothers, sisters and even children to parents. There is no end of people willing to take advantage is given the opportunity, friend, neighbors, coworkers that list would be endless. Wittingly or unwittingly many seem to sense when someone is vulnerable and can be taken advantage of. I am sure this taking advantage of, using, controlling or abusing starts off with something small. But, it almost seems like human nature, if you get away with something small the tendency is continue pushing the envelope just to see how far you can take it. I am sure so often it is even at a subconscious level. The situation gradually evolves, expands and grows until it reaches the point total control is established over the other. I am sure even at that point many do not even realize what they are doing. Things have evolved and changed so slowly that it is not even realized that we have taken control of or are dominating the life of another. We don’t even realize or appreciate what is being done. It reaches the point where it becomes an expectation. “She will do what I want or I will be very mad and will make her life so miserable she will eventually cave in and I will get my way, as it should have been.”

Our abuse victim is pushed even further down. I have read our own children can be the worst at doing this. Our abuse victim just gives up. Her self esteem and self confidence so beat and taken away, she has no confidence in her own decisions. It is just easier to let anyone, even my kids decide what I should be doing, their decisions are likely better than mine anyway, and I just don’t have the energy to fight them, so be it.

I was surprised to read of a quite a number of women actually seeing and recognizing a loving, healthy hand being extended to help them. Of them feeling it was the right thing, the healthy thing to do but of them refusing the offered hand. Possibly maybe because of lack of trust in her own ability to make the right decision but mostly because of the objections of her own family. I am not sure if their objections were based on their own fear of change, I certainly hope not to just exert their control, this I just can’t believe.

I read of women giving up on what they knew would be a real chance of happiness in a healthy relationship because it was too much bother. Their families were comfortable the way things were and didn’t want change and fought it. In each case she just gave in not having the energy to fight for anything, not even her own health, happiness and well being.

I read of the stories of 3 women that had managed to find a new love. A love with a good loving and respectful man. In each case family pressure was so great; it became so stressful each ended the relationship. One guy ran for the hills never to be seen again. The other 2 had too much love to just give up that easily, they persisted in trying to wooing the lady they loved. Neither realized what they were really up against. Each attempted contact caused such uproar in the home, more and more stress for the lady. So much stress she began to dread the thought of him calling, knowing the stress and tension in the home that it would cause. In each woman apparently the feelings of love remained intact, but she began to resent the man for calling or trying to contact her because of the family stress it would cause her.

This is what I call the misdirected negative feelings. Here we had 3 women that had loving hands extended to them. Three women that had a chance at a healthy happy life but gave it up. Not only that but their negative feelings were directed at the loving man, the health support and not at those holding her back, controlling her life. I don’t get it!!!!!!!!

I have often encouraged people to shed negative draining relationships from your life and surround yourself with healthy, supportive and nurturing relationships. I just ask before you shed a relationship, please be sure you are sure where the negativity is coming from and be sure you shed the correct relationship. In the case if the relationship that needs to be sheded is with family, remember that doesn’t necessarily have to mean ending or cutting the ties, just the relationship as it is. End it as it is and reform it into a new and healthy one.

I am not sure why this year is different than others it seems. We just passed Mother’s Day and I seem to be spending more time thinking of my mother than I have in past years. It is more than 17 years since she’s been babying me. Every year on Mother’s Day and on her birthday, I make a point of taking at least a few minutes to sit quietly and just think of her, say a little prayer and thank her for being my mother and pray for her long life.

Talking about a friend I lost last year in June. My belief system did indeed help ease the pain and sense of loss at her passing. I KNOW she was in a tremendous amount of pain prior to her passing. I KNOW she is now in a much much better place, I KNOW I will in God’s time be seeing her again. I KNOW that her leaving this world when she did was what God knew to be best for her and He called her home. I KNEW in my heart even back at the time that I should be happy for her that she was gone, I mean considering where I knew she had gone to. I KNEW my feelings of grief and loss were the inner selfish me seeing only what I was losing, having her in my life. I certainly can’t say that even with this belief that it made the dealing with her loss easy, it certainly was not, but I do think it helped, at least makes it easier.

In my mind I have a comparable I use when I think of the loss of a loved one, I know I have written about it before.

I think of this. Suppose a loved one won something really spectacular say a cruise around the world that would last a full year. You know your loved one would have the time of their lives, be happier than possibly ever before. How do you deal with this? You do want your loved one to be happy, but having him/her gone for a full year. That could mean you have to make changes to your own life, I mean a year is a long time for them to be gone. I am sure there are many but I see there as being basically 3 different ways we could deal with it.

#1. Feel our love for the person foremost. Be happy for them; be so glad in your own heart that they have this chance for happiness and joy. Encourage and support them as they prepare for this wonderful time. For sure you know you are going to miss them, but know you can deal with it. The fact they will be happy makes you happy. To me this is the loving approach.

#2. You grudgingly give into them going. But, you make it plain and obvious how difficult things will be for you without them around for this time. You rob them of the shine the excitement of the trip. You fill them with worry and dread about how you will be able to make out with them gone. Yes, they may still go but the enjoyment factor of possibly the entire time is greatly reduced. Who is to know, maybe the enjoyment is even replaced with regret for having gone on the trip, we are so filled with worry about those left behind, how they are doing and how they are feeling.

#3. We take our personal selfishness to the extreme. I don’t care how much joy or happiness he/she will have. I need him/her here with me. I don’t want to have to make any changes in my life, I want things to remain as they are. I like life as it is now and I don’t want him/her to even think of changing the way I want it to be. So what if they miss out on this chance, there will be others. Now way I am going to let them do this to me, I am going to do anything and everything I can to stop it. “I know the way things should be and will be.”

As I am sitting here I realize this applies to virtually every situation in our lives, when it comes to dealing with loved ones and well with everyone in which we have contact. Each of us is an individual and as such have our own personal “agendas”. Our personal agendas motivate our actions and interactions with all others. Are our motives our actions love based or are they based on our own selfishness? I don’t think there is really any gray area here, when it really comes down to it, it is one or the other, love or selfishness. I know it is so easy to rationalize away our individual situations, thinking, “yeah but this is different”. NO IT IS NOT, not if you are honest and really get down to the core of the matter. I want and I really do try to make all of my actions and interactions love based.

Wow, I got off on a bit of a tangent there. But it is what I believe. I guess it is obvious I don’t plan my posts I just start writing what is in my heart and mind. Thoughts just go where they go. This is my journal and I just write.

I knew when my friend I mentioned about passed, she had gone on a voyage. A voyage to a wonderful destination where she would be so happy, she would be in such a better place and so very much better off. My sense of loss was real. I knew my life was changed forever. It would never be the same without her in it. But, I knew I could deal with the change. I chose to celebrate, remember and appreciate the time we had together rather than “just” mourn what I had lost.

I have no doubt, never have had any doubt, that this friend still “exists”. I use the term “exists” as I am not quite sure how else to describe it. She is maybe just in a different form, living in a different Realm.

I am not sure what has made this  Day different, it is almost like I can feel her presence here with me. Not sure, if that makes any sense of how else to describe it. It is just how I feel.

This post certainly took a different direction on me but that seems to so often happen. I have said before of my little routine before I write. I ask for guidance in finding the words that my help someone, anyone today.

I guess that will wait until tomorrow, I am tired and heading for a nap.

I am a bit of a “gimp” and so do have a lot of spare time on my hands. Different thoughts rattle around this hear of mine. I know my days are indeed numbered. I don’t know that that number of days is. I do know that whatever number of days I do have, will in the end not be enough. As I sit here thinking, I realize that I am sure applies to almost everyone. No matter how many days we are gifted with on this earth as it draws to a close we will wish for and want more days.

That sadly is largely out of our hands. Lives do have an expiration date. That is an unchangeable fact it is an inevitable fact for everyone of us.

We though are not entirely powerless in this whole process. We can’t change the end result but we can change what we do with our time, how we live our lives, right up until that last moment whenever it may be. So very many times I have written live life don’t just endure it. I imagine everyone would agree that is a wonderful idea but how do you get to do it? Life is so very hectic these days. We are all caught up on the frantic treadmill of life. It seems every moment of every day is already stretched to the breaking point as we struggle to just get through each day. I know I did that for years and years.

I don’t know how to word this so it makes sense. Being told you are dying can be a “good” thing. Now by good, I mean it really gives your head a shake and opens your eyes. It opens your eyes in that suddenly you see things differently. You are better able to really see the priorities in your life. OK, the dying part kind of sucks but the experience of having your eyes really opened and to be able to see life as it really is, is wonderful. I do know I certainly would have lived much of my life differently if in the past I had been able to see things as I do today. Can we learn from the mistakes of others, yes? Will we learn, I don’t know, that is up to the individual.

I have this saying bouncing around in my head; I am not sure where I got it. I am sure it is too good to be a Miqdad’s original, ah who knows.

Faith will not necessarily help you avoid the storms in life, it will though teach you to dance in the rain. As we travel the highway of life we will indeed encounter storm after storm, issue after issue, problem after problem. That is life and in that way it is no different for any of us. The individual issues will differ but overall the journey is about the same. The only difference is how we weather those storms, are we devastated or have we learned to dance in the rain.

When I say devastated that may be too strong a word for a lot of situations, but you get the idea. I am talking about the trivial little issues in life that just seem to hit us the wrong way. We get all fired up and allow it to spoil our day. The sort of thing that in 3 months you aren’t even going to remember it anyway. OR, do we just think, “well that is kind of annoying but oh well it isn’t that big a deal.” We carry on enjoying our day. We make the best of a situation.

There are thousands of example I could use. I will pick just one that could very well be a big one for many.

Suppose you have a job, any job, it doesn’t matter, but you just hate it. You hate it so much you dread going to work every day, you are miserable every moment of every day. Well the obvious answer would be start looking around and get yourself a different job.
What do you do though if for anyone of hundreds of reasons, financial, location or whatever, getting a different job is simply out of the question and yes there are such reasons. What do you do then?

Change what you can and I do mean what you can and learn to live with or accept the other. If you find there is something you simply must live with, learn to live with it. Try to make the best of it, learn to dance in the rain. Sometimes all we can change is ourselves and our own attitudes. I used the job situation as an example but this applies to virtually every area of our lives, attitude is key. We ourselves decide if we are living life or enduring it. What are your thoughts?

Wow, be glad I used spell checker today plus I really hope the storm expectation today is wrong and diverts somewhere else.

Good Day 🙂

Some time back, I wrote about visions and dreams. I received several comments on that, all of which I appreciate. One mentioned how it seems we are reluctant to talk of such things until the time is right. That seems to be so true, but so sad at the same time. Now I never have had the privilege or the honor of having an Angel appear to me or speak directly to me or anything like that. I wonder though, if such a miraculous event were to happen, would I have the courage to shout it to the world. At such an event I should be shouting it to the world “I saw an Angel” or “an Angel gave me a message and this is what it is”. I really do think I would be telling the world or at least anyone that would listen. But then I think, if I heard anyone else saying exactly the same thing, my mind would be full of doubt. I might think that person was either dreaming, hallucinating or even just plain crazy. If I were the one delivering the message I am sure many would think the same of me.

If such a miraculous event were to happen to me, at the time I am sure I would be just bursting with love, joy, happiness…. But then at some point my human mind is going to kick into gear. Would I begin to question what I had seen? My human mind trying to rationalize it, I must have been dreaming. I do believe in Angels, but of all the people in the world, I can’t believe an Angel would choose me. I must have been dreaming. I must have been dreaming so I am not going to go out and make a fool of myself in front of all those other people. Why would I care what so many others may think? I suppose that is one of those special events that you really don’t know how you will react until you actually experience it, if indeed you are so fortunate.

Love