Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

Had a real lazy day yesterday, just lounged around and really did nothing. Hey that is not far off my normal day.

I wonder how much time most people spend thinking about funerals. Very little, if even any I would imagine. Sadly, at a few times in our lives we attend one, when a loved one passes over. As it rightfully should be, most of our thoughts are with our grieving and sorrow. Paying our respects and saying final good byes. I have luckily had to attend very few funerals in my life time, but have on occasion viewed them as events that must be endure, and I just want them over with. Grief is such an individual thing, for me, at first I just want to be left alone. Let me think on this, digest this new development and then I will be ready to talk.

I have heard it so many times funerals are the living and not actually for the deceased loved one. I absolutely agree with this and have said many times it is so much harder on the loved ones left behind. I am all for anything that will help those left behind. The funeral may be a good place to let emotions out, to find some degree of closure. I don’t know how all that psychological stuff works, but whatever it takes is a good thing.

There is an issue I have been wrestling with in my mind of late. I know this is my human mind, my physical mind grappling with issues beyond my understanding, while at this physical level. I just can’t fully understand or appreciate the beauty and purity of the love contained within the spiritual world.

Example, I don’t know how it all works but I believe after you have passed over, you are still able to look back here into this physical world and even be here in a spiritual form to comfort loved ones. In a spiritual form you could attend your own funeral or at least watch from above.

I know when in spirit form we will be of pure love and goodness, absolutely no negativity. My human mind just can’t grasp that concept. I know this in not correct but in my mind I keep thinking even while in Heaven, if you looked down say at your own funeral and suppose not one came. Wouldn’t you be just a little disappointed, now I know this is wrong even as I say it. Just one of my human thoughts and weaknesses.

I wonder about my own funeral, when that time comes. Over my career, I have moved many times from location to location and have made friends everywhere I went. But all seemed to be short term friendships, I seemed to move on to a new group of friends with each move. When my time comes it will be interesting to see who attends.


I am trying my best to be I suppose you could call it a student of life. In my own way I am trying to learn and understand more about life in general and of people all people. To get a better understanding of actions and reactions to situations in life. What I am learning is of how little I really know or understand. Sounds strange maybe but I realize the more I think I learn the less I realize I understand???? A few examples of the things that having me going, HUH???

Now, I think it is a fair statement to make, that, the vast majority of people do not want to die. Now that sounds pretty straight forward and simple. I can easily understand that, I can relate to that. Now here is the part I just do not understand. We do not want to die so obviously we want to go on living, our lives are precious to us. Again, I can certainly relate. Now here is the part I don’t understand. We all recognize and appreciate how precious our lives are, how precious our time on this planet is. But, do we really? We each know our individual time here is limited, we see how precious it is, but what are we doing with it? Why do we take time for granted always assuming there will be many tomorrows in which we can enjoy life. I think we live with so many thoughts of the future we forget to live today. Not sure where I heard this: “Life is not about learning how to weather a storm; it is about learning how to dance in the rain.” Thank about that as you go about your day.

As a society it seems to me anyway, that we are only comfortable dealing with or even thinking about death and dying when it is maybe in the abstract almost. By that I mean when it is happening to people far far away. People that we are not related to or associated with in anyway and somehow talking about them dying is an “OK” subject. Or, at least it doesn’t seem to make us feel as uncomfortable. Suddenly though if the topic hits closer to home it becomes more uncomfortable, we don’t want to talk about it or even think about it. Is it the fear of loss that affects us so deeply. A loved one passes and we have a really sense of loss. It is not only a sense of loss but a real loss in our lives. Without that person there our lives are changed forever, no denying that. Our lives are changed yes but can be and will be just as good with time. i have to wonder, we are grieving a loss, is that our main fear in this whole thing. We are grieving our own personal loss what is missing out of our lives. I don’t know are we really grieving more for ourselves than the other person. I don’t know that was just a thought that popped into my head.

What about if we are facing our own passing? Well actually that statement applies to every single person on this planet, it is just the timing. Struggling with wording, does that make sense? Can we become so obsessed with not wanting to lose our lives that we forget to live them while we still can?

Wow, I really got off track here as I rambled on. I’ve got to share a new perspective. It is when you lose people in terms of relationships. When people get into relationships or what you call friends with benefits, this is time when their priorities change; they value their partner more and dike you whenever they want to. This is so unfair. For the past six months this happens frequently with me. What to do? I can’t get any solutions to this issue. Then I thought how about we be the same with them and talk to them the way we used to. They may realize some day that they were wrong and come back to you, but this technique of mine seems to be a heart eiderdown, it’s not working too. Good luck to all those people who fall in this category.

As this was the last post of this file, I’ll take a week off before I start a new file.

Good Day 🙂

Feeling good, just tired. Have appointments and meetongs next week. Just the regular follow up, I am sure everything will be just fine.

I recently learned that the teenage son of a dear friend attempted suicide. I know none of the circumstances or of his overall situation. I will be contacting this friend shortly to offer any support I can. I can’t imagine as a parent the worry, the pain, the fear they must be feeling. This just has to be one of a parent’s worst nightmares. I just can’t imagine what it must be like, my heart just bleeds for everyone involved. You are all in my prayers. To my dear friends know I will be contacting you shortly.

My heart really does bleed when I hear of situations such as this. There must be statistics out there somewhere on teen suicide, in fact I am sure there are I have just never looked for them. It just seems so sad when it is someone so young with their entire life to look forward to. Really though age is no determining factor, it is sad and tragic at any age. I have friends who killed themselves, two of them.

It all just makes me so sad. It also makes me think more of how precious every moment of life on this earth really is. I read this somewhere, “no one said life would be easy but it is meant to be enjoyed”. What do you do when all of the joy has been taken out of your life? Years ago I was in that exact position. I know what it is like to feel the weight of the whole world on your shoulders where you feel nothing but sadness and pain. I found myself standing in what I saw as a deep dark valley totally surrounded by mountains. Mountains so high, their shadow blocked any sunlight from even reaching in to me. I have stood deep in that valley where everywhere you look you seem just mountains or pain, problems or stress surrounding you, no matter where you look you just see no way out. The mountains of problems just seem so high that no sunlight can get in; you just can’t see even a glimmer of light or hope for any change in the future. It is easy to just give up in despair. How often have I written that life is meant to be enjoyed not endured. What if you are trapped in that valley of woe, enduring a hard life? So very unhappy and can just see no way out. If you are trapped in that valley for long enough your outlook on life can become so bleak you just want out. If you become desperate enough suicide is obviously one way out. Suicide is never the only way out and it is never the right way out.

I found my way out of my own valley of woe, by changing just a bit of my thinking. At the time I saw my life as being stagnant, not moving in any direction, I was trapped and not going anywhere. It took me a while to realize, life is not stagnant there are changes happening every day. Granted most of these changes are so small so tiny they don’t even register on our personal radar. I began to view life as a highway through this journey we call life. We are all traveling through life on this “highway” that will ultimately lead us to the same destination. What is there something like 6 billion people in the world today, so there are 6 billion individual highways of life all leading to the same destination? Many of these highways will crisscross as people come and go from our lives. Many highways will run exactly parallel to our own so closer than others, being family and friends.

Life is a journey on which we travel the highway of life. Really it is no different than on other highway. It has twists and turns, pot holes and construction areas. It does though also have long smooth sections. It is like we are traveling a long unfamiliar road with no road map to show us exactly where the twists and turns will be. As with traveling on any highway we must always be attentive to looking forward. Who knows when a sharp bend or turn in the road will take us in a different direction. Traveling on any highway we know there will be the occasional pot hole. Looking forward we can either swerve to avoid it or maybe get a little bumped up if we hit it. There can be huge unexpected construction zones where travel is terribly bumpy and at times can seem endless. Remember, our individual highway of life is unmapped, uncharted. We don’t know what the next bend in the road will bring. All we do know is life is full or twists and turns. That very next curve in the road up a head could lead to miles and miles of beautiful paved highway with not even a pothole in sight for miles.

As much as it may seem we are stuck in life, we aren’t stuck we are maybe just traveling at a slower speed. But we are traveling forward. I suppose realistically using my highway comparison there could be times when we do get stuck. If we are going through a really bad construction area we could get our vehicle stuck in the mud and really just sit there spinning our wheels and getting nowhere. If you do get stuck and are just spinning your wheels, there is always help available. Seek help and there is always someone ready to tow you out of the mud or to help push you through it. We just have sought it and it is there. If the vehicle you are traveling through life in does get so mired down in the mud you just can’t get it out. Maybe you have to abandon that vehicle and even walk for the next distance. No matter how you travel it the road is always there before you.

Suicide is never the answer. No matter how hard or dismal the road in front of you may look the driving conditions will change.

I just rambled through all of this, I am not sure if my highway comparison even makes any sense but it does to me. I say this to anyone that may be contemplating suicide that may read this. Please don’t do anything rash, just think about what I am saying. I say this to you, your life situation may be unbearable and unlivable but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Possibly it may seem you are mired down on the highway of life, stuck unable to move ahead. It may actually seem that a happy life is but an impossible dream. That dream is real and it is not impossible. It is possible irregardless of current circumstances or your situation. Grab on to that seemingly impossible dream of the happy life, don’t let go of it. It really is possible for you and could be just around the next bend in the road.

If you are contemplating any such actions, I beg you please to wait. Get your phone book; get the number for a suicide hotline. Call them and talk to them, hey what do you have to lose. Talk to them and really explain your thoughts and feelings. Can’t for whatever reason talk to them, then please talk to a family member, a friend, a clergy man, just talk to someone about your life and thoughts. Go to the emergency room at the hospital and talk to them there. There is help for you, the help you need to get you back on the highway of life again.

I would suggest this only as a very last resort, before you do anything contact even me. Leave me a message here on the blog, the blog has my phone number too. It can be done anonymously and I will get back to you as quickly as I can via email. I suggest this only as a last resort for 2 reasons. I am not qualified in anything, I am just me and I do care about you. I am not a doctor or a therapist just me. Plus, depending on the day I may only get to the computer once or twice and while I would respond asap it may take time. Life really is too precious to give up on.

One of my recent posts has come back to haunt me. Thoughts that just occasionally rattle around in this empty head of mine.

One of the questions was to the effect, if you somehow knew you only had 5 minutes to live and could leave behind but one recorded message, what would it be, and to whom would you leave it? I was looking for thoughts or ideas from readers. Now I find I have received 3 different emails asking me how in fact I would answer that very question. Now that is actually something I have given thought to over the past couple of years. I”d know what I would want my message to be, it is just how to find the words to express it. I have actually tried to write it out a couple of times but find myself getting lost and going in circles. I am not a writer and have never tried to pretend I am. I am a rambler, I just start typing and what comes out is what it is, so here goes.

First to my family I want to express my undying love. Tell each individually how proud I am of them, how proud, blessed and lucky I am to have them in my family, in my life. i would want to thank all of my friends for honoring me by spending some of their precious time on this earth with me. To any that may chose to read this, may God bless you.

Live Life, be happy. Seek to enjoy every moment of our precious time on this earth. The ability to live life, enjoy life and be happy is right there in front of each of us. We just have to recognize it, reach out and grab it. Every day, every moment we are faced with a decision. As our lives unfold before us, circumstance, situations will develop around us, many of which we have no control over. Life just happens and we are there for the ride. Life or at least any individual part of it may not be the ride we had hoped for but it is what we have at that moment. There are no constants in life, this to shall change. If you are in a bad patch, live the best way you can, knowing this too shall change. If you are in a high spot live it to the max. Remembering this too shall change, this is life something will come along to give your ride even a little bump.

There are always 2 ways to look at everything. We make the choice to look at events with a positive mindset or a negative mindset. As hard as it may seem at times that choice is indeed ours to make. As we make that choice we affect no one but ourselves, the quality of the life we live, the enjoyment we get out of it.

Don’t take things in life personally. If someone say lashes out at you in an unkind, rude or nasty manner. Try to remember, their action is prompted by where they are in their heads at the time, the type of mindset they are carrying. Just because they in their mind are in a bad place doesn’t mean we have to allow them to drag us in our thinking to a similar place. We are only responsible for our own lives, our own thoughts and actions. As we are responsible for our own lives, it is up to us to ensure we care for ourselves by not allowing others to drag us down.

There is another conscious choice we make regularly. Is it better to be “right” or is it better to be happy. I chose happy. Every single person we meet in our journey through life is travelling their own path, which may not be the same as that I have chosen for myself. With this thoughts and feelings on virtually every topic you can imagine may vary. This applies to family, friends, everyone you are going to meet. As I have followed my path, based on my own experiences, my thought on any individual issue may well differ from yours. There is always more than one path anywhere, always more than one way to do most things in life. What could make me think my way is the only right way? Suppose I was in a conflict with anyone, a friend, colleagues, coworkers. Suppose in this conflict, I “KNOW” I am right. At the very same time based on their lives, they also “know” they are right. I am faced with a choice, 2 ways to look at everything. Do I want to push on to “make” everyone else see that I am indeed right or do I want to be happy. I choose happy. In my own mind I am comfortable knowing for me and my thoughts I am indeed right and as I do want happiness more than being recognized as being right I just let it go. Don’t take things personally, be happy!

I likely have more but 5 minutes might be up, don’t know and I am tired.

When I pray I speak to God, when I meditate I slow my mind enough to hopefully hear His reply. Now it really would be nice if during meditation I was actually able to hear His voice and get His message. Sadly, for me it just doesn’t work that way. All I hear is the silence of the room.
What I do find though is so very often is that after the meditation even a day or two later a thought will just seemingly come to mind out of nowhere. It may be a new thought on some sort of issue I am dealing with. It may be a thought I have already had but suddenly see it from a slightly different angle. I can’t explain it I just know it helps me.
Right now I have two of those out of nowhere thoughts running around in my head. They have a lot of running room in this bowling ball head of mine.
I have heard or read a phrase that is to the effect: “No one said life would be fair or easy, just that it is good.”
Life is good, I have written that many many times. I just don’t have the words to really adequately describe how good it is.
In an email I had a question posed to me. If I had just minutes to give one last message, what would it be? My answer today would be simply: “stop wasting time on life, just live it”
Now what do I mean by wasting time on life? Maybe this is where the two thoughts rambling around in my head come together. Life is not always fair or easy, but it is good. I think maybe it would be better put to say: “life can be good and is as good as we choose to make it.” Life isn’t always fair it seems, other people aren’t always fair to us.” To that I say, accept it as a fact of life, the way the world works bad things can happen to good people.
Here is where I get to the wasting time part. (Finally). Other people’s actions or attitudes do not have to affect me, that is unless I allow it to. Any single moment of time spent in any sort of negative manner is a moment of joy lost forever. Ask yourself this, how much time on a daily basis do you spend with your mind set in a negative manner? This is the wasted time I am referring to. I usually do that and I’m working to change these negative thoughts to a more positive ones.
Now, I can just imagine many automatically thinking to themselves. “Yeah, that is fine for him to say. If he knew what my life was like. If he knew all that I have to deal with, he would understand my situation is different.”
Everyone is going to think their situation is different, that they are being treated so badly that it is impossible to get any joy out of life. The actions of others reflect on themselves, affecting us only if we allow it.
I know, I know: “IT IS JUST NOT FAIR”.Look at the big picture of life and stop wasting time on the meaningless little things that sap our strength and deprive us of love and joy. So that could be scandals affecting your reputations, the daily gossip, hooking up with a girlfriend and wasting nights, friends are far more better.
Being treated “fairly” is something I have had to deal with of late. I ask you this. Please take a moment and really think about your life. Think about both the good and the “bad”. Try to put the entire picture in prospective. Now I know if you have that negative mind set going on, it may even be difficult to see the positive or at least much of it. The perceived negatives may far out way any positives you see.
OK, now think about this and I ask if you think this is fair. I will be 21 in a few months. Now is this fair? I have a gimpy heart that I know could give out at virtually any time. Heart failure with edema, I need pills to sleep. Migraine, slight asthama, and plus week lungs that can die anytime, pushing me to lung transplant probably…. is having all of that fair. OK, you looked at your life and at mine. Want to trade places?
Life may not always seem fair, but it is so worth it. See past the little annoyances, let them roll off you like water off of a ducks back. Remember today’s big issues likely will have even been forgotten in a couple of months, so is it worth spoiling your day today. let it go.
Wow I am full of “sayings” today. There is another one to the effect: “The Good Lord will never lead us anywhere, in which He will not be there to help us through.”
So this was one last blog from the third file. I can die anytime. Life is fun, the issues, depressions and frustrations in life are man-made. God never whispered to put yourself on the lane prohibited. So life was fun, I made it worth living socially, religiously I am blank…