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What is Poverty?…

You ask me what is poverty? Listen to me. Here I am, dirty, smelly, and with no “proper” underwear on and with the stench of my rotting teeth near you. I will tell you. Listen to me. Listen without pity. I cannot use your pity. Listen with understanding. Put yourself in my dirty, worn out, ill-fitting shoes, and hear me.

Poverty is getting up every morning from a dirt- and illness-stained mattress. The sheets have long since been used for diapers. Poverty is living in a smell that never leaves. This is a smell of urine, sour milk, and spoiling food sometimes joined with the strong smell of long-cooked onions. Onions are cheap. If you have smelled this smell, you did not know how it came. It is the smell of the outdoor privy. It is the smell of young children who cannot walk the long dark way in the night. It is the smell of the mattresses where years of “accidents” have happened. It is the smell of the milk which has gone sour because the refrigerator long has not worked, and it costs money to get it fixed. It is the smell of rotting garbage. I could bury it, but where is the shovel? Shovels cost money.

Poverty is being tired. I have always been tired. They told me at the hospital when the last baby came that I had chronic anemia caused from poor diet, a bad case of worms, and that I needed a corrective operation. I listened politely – the poor are always polite. The poor always listen. They don’t say that there is no money for iron pills, or better food, or worm medicine. The idea of an operation is frightening and costs so much that, if I had dared, I would have laughed. Who takes care of my children? Recovery from an operation takes a long time. I have three children. When I left them with “Granny” the last time I had a job, I came home to find the baby covered with fly specks, and a diaper that had not been changed since I left. When the dried diaper came off, bits of my baby’s flesh came with it. My other child was playing with a sharp bit of broken glass, and my oldest was playing alone at the edge of a lake. I made twenty-two dollars a week, and a good nursery school costs twenty dollars a week for three children. I quit my job.

Poverty is dirt. You can say in your clean clothes coming from your clean house, “Anybody can be clean.” Let me explain about housekeeping with no money. For breakfast I give my children grits with no oleo or cornbread without eggs and oleo. This does not use up many dishes. What dishes there are, I wash in cold water and with no soap. Even the cheapest soap has to be saved for the baby’s diapers. Look at my hands, so cracked and red. Once I saved for two months to buy a jar of Vaseline for my hands and the baby’s diaper rash. When I had saved enough, I went to buy it and the price had gone up two cents. The baby and I suffered on. I have to decide every day if I can bear to put my cracked sore hands into the cold water and strong soap. But you ask, why not hot water? Fuel costs money. If you have a wood fire it costs money. If you burn electricity, it costs money. Hot water is a luxury. I do not have luxuries. I know you will be surprised when I tell you how young I am. I look so much older. My back has been bent over the wash tubs every day for so long, I cannot remember when I ever did anything else. Every night I wash every stitch my school age child has on and just hope her clothes will be dry by morning.

Poverty is staying up all night on’ cold nights to watch the fire knowing one spark on the newspaper covering the walls means your sleeping child dies in flames. In summer poverty is watching gnats and flies devour your baby’s tears when he cries. The screens are torn and you pay so little rent you know they will never be fixed. Poverty means insects in your food, in your nose, in your eyes, and crawling over you when you sleep. Poverty is hoping it never rains because diapers won’t dry when it rains and soon you are using newspapers. Poverty is seeing your children forever with runny noses. Paper handkerchiefs cost money and all your rags you need for other things. Even more costly are antihistamines. Poverty is cooking without food and cleaning without soap.

Poverty is asking for help. Have you ever had to ask for help, knowing 6 your children will suffer unless you get it? Think about asking for a loan from a relative, if this is the only way you can imagine asking for help. I will tell you how it feels. You find out where the office is that you are supposed to visit. You circle that block four or five times. Thinking of your children, you go in. Everyone is very busy. Finally, someone comes out and you tell her that you need help. That never is the person you need to see. You go see another person, and after spilling the whole shame of your poverty all over the desk between you, you find that this isn’t the right office after all-you must repeat the whole process, and it never is any easier at the next place.

You have asked for help, and after all it has a cost. You are again told to wait. You are told why, but you don’t really hear because of the red cloud of shame and the rising cloud of despair.

Poverty is remembering. It is remembering quitting school in junior high because “nice” children had been so cruel about my clothes and my smell. The attendance officer came. My mother told him I was pregnant. I wasn’t, but she thought that I could get a job and help out. I had jobs off and on, but never long enough to learn anything. Mostly I remember being married. I was so young then. I am still young. For a time, we had all the things you have. There was a little house in another town, with hot water and everything. Then my husband lost his job. There was unemployment insurance for a while and what few jobs I could get. Soon, all our nice things were repossessed and we moved back here. I was pregnant then. This house didn’t look so bad when we first moved in. Every week it gets worse. Nothing is ever fixed. We now had no money. There were a few odd jobs for my husband, but everything went for food then, as it does now. I don’t know how we lived through three years and three babies, but we did. I’ll tell you something, after the last baby I destroyed my marriage. It had been a good one, but could you keep on bringing children in this dirt? Did you ever think how much it costs for any kind of birth control? I knew my husband was leaving the day he left, but there were no goodbye between us. I hope he has been able to climb out of this mess somewhere. He never could hope with us to drag him down.

That’s when I asked for help. When I got it, you know how much it was? It was, and is, seventy-eight dollars a month for the four of us; that is all I ever can get. Now you know why there is no soap, no needles and thread, no hot water, no aspirin, no worm medicine, no hand cream, no shampoo. None of these things forever and ever and ever. So that you can see clearly, I pay twenty dollars a month rent, and most of the rest goes for food. For grits and cornmeal, and rice and milk and beans. I try my best to use only the minimum electricity. If I use more, there is that much less for food.

Poverty is looking into a black future. Your children won’t play with my boys. They will turn to other boys who steal to get what they want. I can already see them behind the bars of their prison instead of behind the bars of my poverty. Or they will turn to the freedom of alcohol or drugs, and find themselves enslaved. And my daughter? At best, there is for her a life like mine.

But you say to me, there are schools. Yes, there are schools. My children have no extra books, no magazines, no extra pencils, or crayons, or paper and most important of all, they do not have health. They have worms, they have infections, they have pink-eye all summer. They do not sleep well on the floor, or with me in my one bed. They do not suffer from hunger, my seventy-eight dollars keeps us alive, but they do suffer from malnutrition. Oh yes, I do remember what I was taught about health in school. It doesn’t do much good.

In some places there is a surplus commodities program. Not here. The country said it cost too much. There is a school lunch program. But I have two children who will already be damaged by the time they get to school.

But, you say to me, there are health clinics. Yes, there are health clinics and they are in the towns. I live out here eight miles from town. I can walk that far (even if it is sixteen miles both ways), but can my little children? My neighbor will take me when he goes; but he expects to get paid, one way or another. I bet you know my neighbor. He is that large man who spends his time at the gas station, the barbershop, and the corner store complaining about the government spending money on the immoral mothers of illegitimate children.

Poverty is an acid that drips on pride until all pride is worn away. Poverty is a chisel that chips on honor until honor is worn away. Some of you say that you would do something in my situation, and maybe you would, for the first week or the first month, but for year after year after year?

Even the poor can dream. A dream of a time when there is money. Money for the right kinds of food, for worm medicine, for iron pills, for toothbrushes, for hand cream, for a hammer and nails and a bit of screening, for a shovel, for a bit of paint, for some sheeting, for needles and thread. Money to pay in money for a trip to town. And, oh, money for hot water and money for soap. A dream of when asking for help does not eat away the last bit of pride. When the office you visit is as nice as the offices of other governmental agencies, when there are enough workers to help you quickly, when workers do not quit in defeat and despair. When you have to tell your story to only one person, and that person can send you for other help and you don’t have to prove your poverty over and over and over again.

I have come out of my despair to tell you this. Remember I did not come from another place or another time. Others like me are all around you. Look at us with an angry heart, anger that will help

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Letter to a Child Molester…

I honestly have no way of writing you to tell you how I feel. Okay, I could ask someone for your prison address, but Im not going to, what good would it do? Starting at the age of 10, you took away something so special to me..my innocence. You made me feel as though I was worth nothing more than someone’s sex toy. I went through my teen years believing thats what I had to do to get someone to like or love me. Of course, that never kept them around. It just turned me into one more slutty teenager that everyone loved to talk about behind her back.

The physical scars that cover me from years of trying to drain the emotional pain away by slicing my skin over and over, are nothing compared to the emotional scars you have left me with. I despise the way your personal pleasure and disgusting desires have forever changed my life. I kept your secret for so many reasons, mostly out of  fear of being blamed myself for what was happening. When I moved out of your immediate reach, you moved on to your own daughters. Ive had to live with the guilt of knowing that I never told and perhaps could have prevented it from happening to them.

Im 28 years old and Ive still never learned to love myself. You took something that could have been special for me had you not turned it into something shameful and dirty. Im a mother myself now and I carry the fear that it will someday happen to my children. I look at their beautiful faces and when I imagine someone hurting them, its like someone is choking the life out of me.

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Intoxication

My name is D’mello and I’m not an alcoholic. It’s never easy living as a minority, my way of living has generally never changed based on the fact that I’m a minority but there is always this reality check that sends you plummeting into the real world. Not that Christians have made it easy for others to judge us on the actions of the “many” lost sheep of the heard. Ignorance of the law is not an excuse to break it. But before laws and religious obligations I think logic and spirituality should prevail.

For the many Christians and others who claim that Christianity “allows” the consumption of alcohol, you’re wrong, for crying out loud talk to a priest or just Google it. Proverbs 31:6-7 says “Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more” and earlier in Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise” and there are tones of such references that many choose to ignore.

To be more country specific in Pakistan we find “wine shops” in every locality. The spotlight as usual on Christians, why? Because they are willing to walk up boldly put the merchandise in a bag and walk with their heads held up high while the others stuff it in brown paper bags into their pockets; let’s look at all this from a business point of view you think opening a shop just to carter for the minority is commercially viable? Well I don’t think so. Bhutto, Jinnah all consumers of alcohol we still consider them great leaders and so they were. Consumption of alcohol is not a matter of religion it’s a matter of preference, and at times an addiction a disease.

And to take all this a step further I’m not going to make friends with this post (I never do) but when a Christian consumes Alcohol or pork for some reason we are disgusting; but when individuals say for examples with civics consumer alcohol or drugs it’s all cool. It’s not a crime to be conventional or a traditionalist, hell I’m very conventional and I am not apologizing, but bigotry is an unforgivable crime for the educated and yet we all want to go and eventually live in America, Canada and Australia.

With all the events in my life I was looking into the whole inter-religious marriages and observed a few examples; let me tell you something, you need to be intellectually far more superior then normal to “live happily ever after” in such a situation. I love those days when I learn a little about someone or something cause it not only puts things in perspective but at times makes decision making easier and letting go of regrets and hopes, which in retrospect is a good thing.

My aim here was not to attack anyone but to educate, the way I am doing it may not be right but as I say, my blog my wish. I may not be the epitome of goodness but I try and so should you. Most of the people I truly admire belong to different faiths. Doesn’t change my love for them and never will. In this day and age what matters is the heart, the love a person gives you that’s humanity, that’s religion and that’s what God teaches us.

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers” – Voltaire

http://roydonsblog.blogspot.com/

Comments
  1. Salman Ateeq says:

    Very true and a wonderful piece

  2. Rajeev Kumar says:

    This is amazing. i would surely read other posts too

  3. Sara Parker says:

    Is this the blogger’s page
    roydonsblog.blogspot.com?
    I’ll definitely read the other content too. impressive

  4. Betty says:

    Thought Provoking 🙂

  5. Sabika Khan says:

    inspiring and amazing. true indeed 🙂

  6. Roydon says:

    thank you miqi you always been a gem of a friend. thank you everyone else

  7. Stella Rangin says:

    Wonder’s of life should have been posted here :-/

  8. Fraser says:

    Very thought provoking!!!

  9. Jo Hart says:

    Rightly Categorized

  10. Stella Rangin says:

    Jo Goodwin!!!

  11. Safina abrar says:

    the first FP is awesome. who wrote it?

  12. Shiv says:

    A good journal to view everyday 🙂

  13. Baroon says:

    A Wonderful Blog, I’ve read almost all the posts so now thought of commenting. very well done 🙂

  14. vgzhnb says:

    A Nice Collection 🙂

  15. toqhbj says:

    an awesome account!

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