Examining Our Motives…

I am not sure why this year is different than others it seems. We just passed Mother’s Day and I seem to be spending more time thinking of my mother than I have in past years. It is more than 17 years since she’s been babying me. Every year on Mother’s Day and on her birthday, I make a point of taking at least a few minutes to sit quietly and just think of her, say a little prayer and thank her for being my mother and pray for her long life.

Talking about a friend I lost last year in June. My belief system did indeed help ease the pain and sense of loss at her passing. I KNOW she was in a tremendous amount of pain prior to her passing. I KNOW she is now in a much much better place, I KNOW I will in God’s time be seeing her again. I KNOW that her leaving this world when she did was what God knew to be best for her and He called her home. I KNEW in my heart even back at the time that I should be happy for her that she was gone, I mean considering where I knew she had gone to. I KNEW my feelings of grief and loss were the inner selfish me seeing only what I was losing, having her in my life. I certainly can’t say that even with this belief that it made the dealing with her loss easy, it certainly was not, but I do think it helped, at least makes it easier.

In my mind I have a comparable I use when I think of the loss of a loved one, I know I have written about it before.

I think of this. Suppose a loved one won something really spectacular say a cruise around the world that would last a full year. You know your loved one would have the time of their lives, be happier than possibly ever before. How do you deal with this? You do want your loved one to be happy, but having him/her gone for a full year. That could mean you have to make changes to your own life, I mean a year is a long time for them to be gone. I am sure there are many but I see there as being basically 3 different ways we could deal with it.

#1. Feel our love for the person foremost. Be happy for them; be so glad in your own heart that they have this chance for happiness and joy. Encourage and support them as they prepare for this wonderful time. For sure you know you are going to miss them, but know you can deal with it. The fact they will be happy makes you happy. To me this is the loving approach.

#2. You grudgingly give into them going. But, you make it plain and obvious how difficult things will be for you without them around for this time. You rob them of the shine the excitement of the trip. You fill them with worry and dread about how you will be able to make out with them gone. Yes, they may still go but the enjoyment factor of possibly the entire time is greatly reduced. Who is to know, maybe the enjoyment is even replaced with regret for having gone on the trip, we are so filled with worry about those left behind, how they are doing and how they are feeling.

#3. We take our personal selfishness to the extreme. I don’t care how much joy or happiness he/she will have. I need him/her here with me. I don’t want to have to make any changes in my life, I want things to remain as they are. I like life as it is now and I don’t want him/her to even think of changing the way I want it to be. So what if they miss out on this chance, there will be others. Now way I am going to let them do this to me, I am going to do anything and everything I can to stop it. “I know the way things should be and will be.”

As I am sitting here I realize this applies to virtually every situation in our lives, when it comes to dealing with loved ones and well with everyone in which we have contact. Each of us is an individual and as such have our own personal “agendas”. Our personal agendas motivate our actions and interactions with all others. Are our motives our actions love based or are they based on our own selfishness? I don’t think there is really any gray area here, when it really comes down to it, it is one or the other, love or selfishness. I know it is so easy to rationalize away our individual situations, thinking, “yeah but this is different”. NO IT IS NOT, not if you are honest and really get down to the core of the matter. I want and I really do try to make all of my actions and interactions love based.

Wow, I got off on a bit of a tangent there. But it is what I believe. I guess it is obvious I don’t plan my posts I just start writing what is in my heart and mind. Thoughts just go where they go. This is my journal and I just write.

I knew when my friend I mentioned about passed, she had gone on a voyage. A voyage to a wonderful destination where she would be so happy, she would be in such a better place and so very much better off. My sense of loss was real. I knew my life was changed forever. It would never be the same without her in it. But, I knew I could deal with the change. I chose to celebrate, remember and appreciate the time we had together rather than “just” mourn what I had lost.

I have no doubt, never have had any doubt, that this friend still “exists”. I use the term “exists” as I am not quite sure how else to describe it. She is maybe just in a different form, living in a different Realm.

I am not sure what has made this  Day different, it is almost like I can feel her presence here with me. Not sure, if that makes any sense of how else to describe it. It is just how I feel.

This post certainly took a different direction on me but that seems to so often happen. I have said before of my little routine before I write. I ask for guidance in finding the words that my help someone, anyone today.

I guess that will wait until tomorrow, I am tired and heading for a nap.

A Post to Conclude…

So final post for this file “Belief”,

I invite all to join together with me. A group of friends doing our part to make the lives of others better. With every act of kindness, we do in fact make the world a little bit better. We do this simply because we can, because we care about others, all others people all people, we care about the world.

I once heard what I consider to be a very good definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing, in the same way over and over again and still being upset or disappointed when the results come out unchanged.” This applies to our very lives, if we day after day continue to do the same thing, in the same way, how can we expect there to be any change. Change of any sort must begin from within, within each and everyone of us. As people change, so will the world.

I invite and encourage all to join my very non-exclusive group of friends. All are welcome, no restrictions of any kind. I have read in many places that people become more committed to something if they have signed a document of commitment. So in that regard I have set up this new page title “Spirit within me”. The word “me” should be read as applying to each individual and definitely not me, as in Miqdad. It represents the spirit contained with each of you. I hope people will sign up and take membership in the group as a serious commitment.

OK, what is the group about. It is just a group of friends joining together to try in any small way to bring about changes within themselves, writing and sharing blogs, within the lives of others and ultimately to the world.

Is there a cost to belong to this group? YES, but not a monetary cost. The cost is something much more precious than mere money. The cost is spending some of your precious time. How much time? Five minutes a week. I don’t care how busy anyone’s life is, there is no one that can honestly say they couldn’t squeeze in 5 minutes a week. How is that 5 minutes of precious time to be spent? Actively looking for and performing an extra act of kindness. It is to be preformed for another, to whom doesn’t matter, the size of the act doesn’t matter. What matters is that we all take the time, even just 5 minutes a week to look for a way to perform an act of kindness.

Second, requirement. If any thanks is offered we decline to accept it. Instead state only that the only thanks you require or request is that this person, repay you by passing on another act of kindness be passed on to yet another. Think of the ripples we are creating.

Benefits, unlimited, gained from the peace and love to be contained within our hearts. That warm fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing I did something good, not because I had to but simply because I wanted to.

A Unique group, built for a cause 🙂

My Belief in God…

I have commented many times on how I appreciate all comments and of how I read and reread them all. I have thought different times of inviting people to just ask me any questions they may have of me. This thought was brought to mind again yesterday with a comment I received from “just ordinary”. I am receptive to any questions and would do my best to answer based on my own thoughts and experiences. I am not a doctor and would be reluctant to go into the medical area beyond my own symptoms. If anyone has questions please feel free to ask away.

This brings me back to the question asked by just ordinary. Have I always believed in God? Simple answer is yes, always. I have never had a great awakening or anything like that; I can only imagine it was my parent’s thoughts and teachings that gave me this belief. I must have been very very young as I can’t actually remember any time in which they spoke of it and keep reminding me of it. It is just a strong belief I have always carried with me. I am not what you consider to be a religious man and rarely went to mosque except for weddings and funerals, this is nothing to be proud of but still I regret.
I am embarrassed to admit but even with the knowledge of our Father my side for the majority of my life, I did things my way. I knew what best for me. As I think now and looking back I realize there was a point where maybe I had an awakening or a realization, I am not sure how to word it. This was back before my serious health problems had actually begun. I was in the midst of a major life crisis. I was going through what for me was a very painful phase. I was depressed, felt lost, realizing my life wasn’t going at all the way I had envisioned or planned. I came to the realization that doing things “my way” wasn’t giving me the life I wanted so desperately. Slowly I turned to my faith and started putting my beliefs into practice instead of just having them tucked away somewhere in the back of my mind.

Reality came as a bit of a shock to me. I actually had thought I was “a good practicing Muslim but I wasn’t”. I mean I then was going to Mosque regularly, I prayed. I mean what more could I do. I suppose maybe I was taking it for granted. I knew God was there and he would take care of me. When I prayed I realized I was just mumbling a bunch of words out of habit or out of the feeling that is what I should do, with no real thought of meaning to them. The day these problems ended I was all the same again.

I found as I slowly truly turned to my faith instead of just paying lip service to it, my life began to change. I always believed God was with me and he was. Always there willing and waiting to help. I just had to turn to him and be willing to accept that help. The more I turned to my faith the more my life began to change. Now, I just think, man, would my life have been so much easier so much better if I had just done that 10 years earlier.

I suppose it could be said I moved the beliefs I have always had, from just in my head, to being in my heart. As my faith has declined, I can’t describe the embarrassment that it has brought me.

What I Believe…

I often speak of my strong beliefs. I was recently asked what exactly are my beliefs as I have never mentioned any particular thing related to my religion. It seems at times as if my beliefs are my own as I have never found a particular thing to spotlight on that exactly reflects them. I am sure there is one out there; I have just never found it. I believe in everything that is good, all Religions and all of the Faiths are good. We were given free will to choose our path in life, so would that not also carry over to our manner of worship. God is always with us supporting and helping us through every step of life. As long as in our hearts we are worshiping, glorifying God and striving to become better people how could any particular format we choose be wrong or bad. My particular beliefs didn’t seem to come from any one source at any one time. But instead slowly developed in my being. All coming from teachings of my father, reading the peak of eloquence (that I have recently started) and the teachings of many different scholars or messengers etc..

I believe in a loving supportive God. A God that wants all of his children to return to Heaven. We were put on this earth to help us grow spiritually and emotionally. Helping to prepare us for our ultimate return home, to Heaven. I believe we are provided with Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides to help us on our way. Through their innocence small children are more easily able to see and communicate with these Spiritual Beings. As we grow we lose that pure innocence, all becoming somewhat “jaded” or “tainted” by the world around us. As we lose more and more of the pure innocence we become less and less able to see them. Finally, they are lost to our mind and memory altogether. But that doesn’t mean they are gone, they are just on a different level we are no longer able to see.

They will often speak to us through what we have come to consider intuition or even gut instinct. If we were able to regain that pure innocence of the young child, we too could talk to them. But so sadly it seems innocence lost, is lost. By putting our hearts and love to God, we can be moving back towards that.

A very rough comparison could be that of a child going through the school system. Using just grades 1 to 12. Each year the child enters school with a predesigned set of lessons to learn. Each year an evaluation of the Childs progress is made and the child either graduates or must repeat the year and the lessons, until they have been learned.

I believe this to be similar to our successive lives. Our spiritual essence is place in a physical body. That physical body is place in an earthly environment that will provide us with the opportunities to grow that each of us individually need. On death, we leave that physical body to face an evaluation day. This evaluation before God, the Heavenly Angels together with your own Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides is a very loving review of your progress. If you fail evaluation then hell is the place you’ll suffer in.

I do not know how many different levels of lessons we must past through until we “graduate” to Heaven. I just know God and his appointed Angels are there to help us every step of the way.

This belief possible explains why I do not fear death. I wish I could say I feel I have learned all the lessons. I know I have learned some but not all, I am sure. I am just not prepared to face God. We were supposed to lead a peaceful life but we messed it up with every possible thing be it politics, personal problems, relationship issues, backstabbers, friends and every mess we go through every day.

I dont believe in reincarnation. We go through a series of physical lives, each specifically designed to provide situations where we are presented with opportunities to grow spiritually. Learning something even like patience could be an example. If it is something we need to learn, we could be put in a life setting were we must accept and learn it. This is one final chance prove it.