My Way…

Yesterday was an OK day, not one of my best but not one of what I call my bad days. Evening was wonderful, friends stopped by for a visit. They spent the night and left this morning. They had to be up early and left so quietly, not wanting to disturb our sleep, I didn’t even hear them.

I suppose it is natural that as I spend more time just thinking and reflecting back on my life and even on the world in general, different types of thoughts pop into my head. I suppose that shows my thinking process has changed or something. Even the mere fact that I will just sit and think back, is different from what it has been at times in the past. At different periods of my life there were times when I purposely kept myself so busy that I wouldn’t have time to think about my life. I suppose that showed a lack of internal strength on my part. To me, my life was in chaos and I almost seemed to be frozen in time not knowing what to do or where to turn. I too often took the easy way by not even allowing myself to think of my life at the time. Don’t think, avoid the pain.

I look back today; with I suppose is my “new mindset” and see each of those situations differently. Today, is all the hurt and pain gone? No, and maybe never will be. I can look back now and learn more from those mistakes or events, than sadly I did at the time. I now see each was just one small dot on the overall picture of my life. Each individual dot has brought me to be the person I am today. I am content with that; I am content and happy with my life today. Who is to know, maybe if even one small thing had happened differently in my past, my life, my thinking today could be different.

I even feel kind of silly, thinking of how every day I prayed asking for God will to be done in my life. Yet I fought so hard or felt so hurt when my will didn’t prevail.

I look around me and see so many people getting upset over what really are inconsequential little things. Sometimes it is almost like I would like to go and just give them a good shake, and say. Stop and think, think of the precious moments in life you are wasting being upset. We have to few of these moments and there will come a day when you regret those moments wasted. But, I look back and realize if someone would have said that to me a couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have listened. I would have been too busy dealing with the issues of the moment. To busy, to wrapped up in one small dot in the overall picture.

Struggling in Life…

In addition to the comments left here on the blog, I get many many emails from personal friends, blogging friends and even from family members of blogging friends. I feel honored that many share with me intimate and very personal details of their lives as they struggle with various issues (learning experiences).

I do feel honored that they do feel that level of comfort and trust in me that I will never betray the confidentiality of their messages. Which, I will never do.

It really reinforces to me the idea that “EVERYONE is fighting their own battles in life”. No one is continually living the perfect life. At the same time no one is continually living a terrible life, although it can most certainly seem like it at times. Those were the two keys, in what I am trying to say: “AT TIMES”.

I read a quote somewhere that went something like: “No one ever said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.” I am not sure if that is the exact wording but it was something like that and its true IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

I think of life as a journey. A journey on the highway of life. No matter which highway you travel on, you will never find one that goes on endlessly with no bumps in the road, potholes and even detours. Everyone is on their own journey and will face their own bumps and detours in their highways. We have to accept that for ourselves and for all others. Everyone is fighting their own battles. It would be nice if life provided us with a road map so we could know when a bump or detour in the highway is coming. None of us have that and must accept there will be bumps ahead. No, when I think of it, I don’t think such a map would be a good idea. If we had one we would be so focused on the upcoming bump we would forget to enjoy the smooth highway we are currently on. I thing we already tend to do to much of that, worrying about tomorrow to the point we rob our selves of the pleasure of today.
Anyone and everyone can look back over their lives and remember past situations. Past situations that while in the midst of them, we felt despair and even very discouraged. Remember the feelings back then and that somehow you got through it and eventually hit another smooth stretch on the highway of life. How did we get through it, likely don’t even know, just plodded along until we got there. The thing is we got there. I needed to really look at my past to exactly what I am talking about here.

God recognizes us all as being human; He doesn’t expect perfection from any of us only that we keep trying. Just keep trying, plugging away as best we can and we get through it often to our own surprise and at times in spite of ourselves. The how doesn’t even really matter as much as the plain fact that we do get through. Hopefully we learn from that experience and again for a while travel on, on a smooth stretch on the highway of life.

My prayers go to all that are struggling

Dreams/Visions…

Yesterday was a good day. I certainly got my share of sleep. It seems no matter how much sleep I get I am always tired. Each time I sleep it seems to be getting longer and longer. It was after 10am when I woke this morning, totally unlike me at any time in my past. I really think I am going to start using the alarm clock, I am sleeping to much of my life away.
A couple of days ago I invited questions anyone may have about this whole process I am going through. I received a question from Mimi. The question was, as your life on this earth draws to a close do you see visions? Good question.

To this point I can’t say that I have had any visions. But I do firmly believe that I will, as will everyone. I am not sure if it will be in the final hours or maybe even just in the final moments before passing. But I believe that at that time we all will. As our physical life is ebbing away and we are sort of teetering on the edge of the physical and spiritual worlds, we will be able to some extent to see into both worlds. What I will see obviously I really don’t, I just know I will see something or someone. An Angel, the spirit of my paternal grandmother maybe a light. There will be something to guide me on that journey to Heaven. I think as we near passing it will be like standing in a door way. From that position we can see a little of both rooms.

In my heart I believe it will be more than just a light. I do not believe I will make that final journey alone. There will be someone or something there to guide me. To put it in terms of the physical world. I see it would be comparable to setting out on a long drive in your car. You know what your destination is, but you have never been there before and are driving over unfamiliar roads. There will be road signs along the way that will ultimately lead there. But, wouldn’t the trip be so much easier and more enjoyable if you had a companion along that knew the way.

So visions no, but I have had several dreams or at least I think they were dreams, very confusing and hard really to tell. First off it is very rare that I can remember my dreams. Maybe it is because a friend and I talked about them right after I woke up, that I can remember these. When I say confusing, I don’t mean confusing as in some wild outlandish dream that just doesn’t make sense. No, these were very simple very short. In each case it was as if I awoke in my own bed to see people standing either at the foot of my bed or beside my bed. Twice my mother was standing at the side of the bed just smiling down at me and I think it was twice there were 4 strangers standing at the foot of the bed just smiling at me. Each time I saw them my reaction was just sort of ahh, isn’t that nice. This is the confusing part wouldn’t you think even in a dream seeing strangers standing at the foot of your bed is going to alarm you. It didn’t.

It is almost ironic or something looking back now. It was after these dreams that I actually did have someone standing at the side of my bed. This was a friend that came into the house while I was asleep. He came in and took some notes he wanted from the bed side table, so here he was literally at my bedside and I slept right through it all.

Dealing with Death…

I have started something I have never done before. I have started to go back and read my own posts. What can I say other than, do I ever like to ramble. I am going to pick out posts or bits of posts from the past that have special meaning to me. I will be republishing them. I have done over 95 posts, I have a hard time believing that but that is what the stats say. I am sure not many have gone way back when to read. In doing this it also allows me to see how I have evolved over the time of the blog.

Now let me make my thoughts on this very clear. Sympathy and pity have NO PLACE in my world. Sadness, OK. Sadness, only because we will be parted temporarily and will naturally miss each other.

With my memory these days I am never sure if I read this somewhere or if this is my own thought. I just know this helped me tremendously when a besty passed away. I loved him dearly and still do and always will. I hope I can find the right words to really express what I am trying to say.

Use your imagination and try to picture this scenario. By some chance your loved one get a chance to go on a fantastic voyage, say a yearlong cruise around the world. You know your loved one would have a fantastic time, the time of their lives. Lets further suppose, the trip has already been booked and nothing short of a miracle will stop them from going. How would you react?

Would you be there, being lovingly supportive in their preparations for the voyage? Hoping and praying only for their happiness and well being. It is a given that you will miss them. You are comforted knowing you will see them again and out of love, make the choice to put their well being ahead of our own. I mean it would be so unfair to hope or think they should miss out on such an opportunity just because we will miss them. We joyously help in their preparations spending quality, happy time before they leave. Tearful good byes are said hugs are exchanged and off they go.

Or, Even though you know the trip is booked and that they will have a wonderful time, do you react differently. Even selfishly, out of our own fear of missing them and being lonely, we feel miserable. We cry and maybe even try to talk them into canceling the trip, “you can’t go I will miss you too much”.

Through our own selfishness we want to deny them the trip the joy, the happiness that would come with it. They are leaving anyway, but we have turned what could have been a love filled farewell into a time of personal sorrow for ourselves. We realize our loved one may be nervous, apprehensive and a little scared, this is indeed something new to them a journey never taken before. It reaches the point of no turning back, the voyage must begin, and their departure is imminent. Can we make it a loving, “see you later” or must it be a painful, tear filled goodbye.

I used these thoughts on the passing of my dearly besty. I wished his joy and happiness until we meet again. Did that remove all the sadness no, but it definitely helped. With his passing he went on a wonderful voyage and I do miss him but I know I will be seeing him again